The Single Mums' Secrets - Janet Hoggarth Page 0,15

trying to raise one in her too. It worked; she smirked at him, relaxing her shoulders and sighing.

‘Well, that depends on whether I get to keep my name or not.’

‘Of course. I wouldn’t dream of making you Mrs Campbell. I would even let you carry on working, part-time of course, so the rest of the time you could have my dinner on the table.’ He laughed loudly this time, relieved Christa had taken the bait.

‘And on that note, I’ll be off!’

*

Christa’s bedroom light went out and Carl decided to switch on the TV to zone out. But the anxiety associated with that night slowly crept up on him and endeavoured to squeeze his lungs of all air. Instead of instilling him with renewed vigour as he’d first hoped, the successful shag had bred fresh fear like germs in a petri dish. Christa was in the dark about just how far her healing powers stretched. She’d performed nothing short of a miracle in Carl’s eyes. What if it had been a one-off? A golden ticket? What if it was only Christa’s special alchemy that had made his penis perform its manly duties and not shrivel up like an empty water balloon and cower above his apologetic scrotum? She was living in blissful ignorance about the importance Carl had bestowed upon her slender shoulders. If she’d known what mantle she was taking on that night, she would no doubt have run a mile.

Carl had been too scared to try out his newly functioning penis on anyone else. Everyone he encountered at work, or even when he’d swiped right on those dating apps, didn’t instil him with any kind of desire to find out more about them. As he aimlessly channel-hopped trying to distract himself, Barbara’s voice echoed round his head and he switched off the TV…

‘It would appear you have just knocked Janey off her pedestal and replaced her with Christa,’ Barbara had astutely observed when he’d told her how he felt.

‘Yes, I know. But I also know it’s not going anywhere. I’ll get over it, eventually.’ The sex with Christa had been better than any sex he’d ever had with Janey, filling him with a rueful sadness. He’d thought sex with Janey had been amazing, and he’d been so in love with her, but with Christa he’d felt a connection that had previously always been missing.

‘That could be because you were sober,’ Barbara had proposed from her chair opposite in her Soho office. Carl was aware of all the street sounds below, people’s incoherent shouts from one of the busy pubs. Scooters zipped up and down the narrow street while sirens in the distance competed with the constant buzz of life.

If someone had told him ten years ago that he would be discussing his sexual preferences, and the turgidity of his penis, with a woman in her late fifties wearing a navy twinset and a violet crystal on a long chain, he would have instructed them to buy him another beer and shut the fuck up. But his visits to Barbara up the tight stairway to her tiny attic office had been something he’d started to realise were necessary, because one day he wanted to be a father…

5

After the Casseroles Stop

‘It’s so weird because when Nigel first… I had people queuing up to deliver cakes for the kids, flowers, casseroles, lasagnes. I can’t fucking stand lasagne. Anyone who knows me would realise that. One mum from school delivered a celebration cake from Sainsbury’s.’

I spat my chocolate shortcake biscuit out onto my hand overcome by a surge of inappropriate sniggering. ‘I’m sorry, Lou, I didn’t mean to laugh.’ I swallowed another wave of giggles.

‘Don’t worry. It is kind of funny if you’re in a Wes Anderson movie. What was she thinking? Oh, Louise will love this, she can celebrate Nigel’s passing with some chocolate and honeycomb stacking cake drizzled in salted caramel sauce. Maybe she’ll roll around naked in the cake to really make the most of it.’ Louise shook her head in disgust. ‘What I want to know is where are all those people now? Yes, I hate lasagne, but no one has delivered anything since the funeral. I wonder what other good cause has limped in front of me?’ She swept up her mug of coffee and sipped.

‘You’ll find out who your real friends are, that’s for sure. I’ve seen it a thousand times with patients at work. People don’t want your grief to taint their lives. They feel guilty