The Single Mums' Secrets - Janet Hoggarth Page 0,115

me the most beautiful smile that lit up his face like a sky lantern. I hugged him; he smelled of musty clothes, lavender and something else I hadn’t smelled up close for a while: lingering illness.

‘Goodbye, Mr G.’ I didn’t know what else to say, everything had already been covered. He shuffled out of the room and I burst into gulping sobs, snotting all down my face in the most unattractive manner. I yanked handfuls of tissues from the box on my desk and mopped up the storm damage. I didn’t actually think he was going to kill himself. Obviously if I thought he was going to cause an accident, or hurt someone else in the process, there would be no question of my involvement. But I suspected he was well aware he was at the end of the road and one day soon would just slip off in his sleep, Marion waiting with open arms. I’d never see him again…

Mr Gurung’s visit unstrung me for the rest of the day. His gentle face haunted me in every rare quiet moment I found. I tried to imagine what it must be like knowing you’d had enough, had lived a good life, loved a soul mate, and raised a family with all your best intentions. He’d always talked so fondly of Marion and his son. While I was typing up my final patient’s notes, feeling flat that I wouldn’t be doing this for a while, there was a knock at my door.

‘Come in.’ It was Tom.

‘Hi, look, I er, hope you don’t mind, I’m not going to come to your mat-leave pizza celebration party. It’s Kerry’s mum’s birthday and I’d already promised I’d go.’

‘That’s totally fine. I never expected you to come in the first place. I don’t even want to go.’

Winnie and Michael had booked a table at the new pizza place in the row of shops opposite Nunhead Green. I was to feign surprise at the electric breast pump, the pregnancy massage and the stack of bits and bobs that included blocks of nappies and a gargantuan tub of Sudocrem that would last until Valentine started work. Winnie had consulted with Louise and me about what was needed.

‘You’ll have a great time once you get there. You deserve a good send-off.’ He grinned. ‘I believe Margaret is making an appearance.’

I was looking forward to seeing her. Everyone was so impressed with Winnie and Michael; they were a dynamic duo, but Margaret was still missed.

‘Thank you, Tom. That’s very kind.’

He nodded and was about to back out of the door, when he stopped, spearing me with a direct stare.

‘I genuinely wish you well, Christa. I hope the birth is easy, and the baby is as beautiful as I imagine he will be.’

I wanted to leap up from the chair and hug him. But gravity and my rotund body prevented any kind of athletic movement at this juncture. Instead I tensed my already flaccid pelvic floor and stomach muscles to trap the howl that wanted to escape from my belly.

‘Wow, you’ll have me in tears,’ I choked out. ‘If you ever feel the need to visit, let me know. We’d love to see you.’

He came over and gave me a hug. ‘Of course I’ll visit. Maybe Kerry can come too?’

I nodded enthusiastically.

‘For what it’s worth, I always thought you’d make a great mum.’ He smiled wistfully and finally closed the door.

I was done for today.

I claimed exhaustion and left my own party apologetically early. If there had been a cave available, I would have crawled into it like a grizzly bear facing the coming winter. The strong smells, noise and bright lights of the pizza place were like needles in my skin. I craved quiet and darkness to sooth my oversensitive Skippy senses. No one minded – they were all merry on the fizz I couldn’t drink.

I’d pantomimed my reactions to my presents before the pizzas landed on the table and Winnie patted my hand. ‘Well done,’ she’d whispered in my ear. ‘I’m bringing my present tomorrow to the baby shower.’

‘Winnie, I don’t need anything,’ I’d protested, already dreading the next party in my honour tomorrow.

‘You might not, but Louise will want what I bought! You don’t think the baby shower is for you, do you?’ She laughed. ‘You and Valentine are the highlight of her life at the moment. I’m hoping his arrival will slingshot her back to work of some sort, make her realise what she’s missing. Goodness me,