other. It may not work that way for women, but for me, it does.”
She leans back, her hands moving away from me. “We work the same, dum-dum. But you never get past your lower half, letting it lead the way.”
“So, what do I do?”
“First, we have to find you the right girl.” She crosses her arms over her chest, cocking her head, and studies me. “Then, you take things slow.”
“Slow?”
She nods. “You can’t sleep with her right away. I was serious when I told you that before, and you rolled your eyes.”
I run my hand down my face and groan against my palm. “Do you know how hard that is?”
She flattens her lips because, obviously, she doesn’t care. “You can kiss and stuff, just no going all the way. No more home runs for you, big guy.”
“Home runs?” I laugh.
“Yep,” she snaps. “No rounding third and sliding into home.”
“You’re a complete weirdo, Lily.”
She smiles. “I’m not a weirdo. I’m normal. Do you want to tell your children someday how you met their mother swinging from a pole or during a threesome?”
I’ve fucked strippers and been in a threesome—hell, even more people than that at the same time. It makes for an awesome story, but do I want to tell one of my kids that?
Of course not.
I’d come up with some dumb-ass cover to shield them from our stupidity and sexual prowess, not wanting them to take after their pervy parents.
“Naturally, that’s not what I want, babe. Come on now. Give me a little credit.”
“You’re on the path to making it a reality. For the life of me, I have no idea how you don’t have a kid yet.”
“Condoms, babe.”
“Well, you could be the poster child for their efficacy.”
“I love when you use big words,” I tease her.
She rolls her eyes again.
“What are you two talking about?” Gigi asks, plopping into the seat next to us.
“Carmello’s ready to find love.”
I groan and squeeze my eyes shut, swearing under my breath.
“Wait. Hold up. He’s what?” Tamara says, joining the conversation.
“He wants to settle down and have a family.”
My eyes snap open to three females gawking at me. “No. No. No. I said I was ready to settle down. I didn’t say anything about having kids.”
The three of them smile in unison, and the regret I feel for telling Lily amplifies.
“Oh. My. God,” Tamara says and smacks my leg. “This is the best news ever. Rebel and Jo, get your asses over here.”
I stretch out on the lounger, throwing my arm over my eyes, wishing I could vanish in a cloud of smoke to avoid the conversation they are no doubt going to have at my expense.
Rebel and Jo are next to us a moment later.
“What’s going on?” Rebel asks, the two of them casting a shadow over me as I try to enjoy the afternoon sun.
“Mello’s ready to start a family,” Tamara lies.
“Not what I said,” I mutter.
“What?” Jo gasps. “For real?”
“Yes!” Lily screeches, filled with so much glee, I’d even be excited if they weren’t talking about me.
Rebel laughs. “Why doesn’t he look excited, then?”
“I’m right here. You can ask me,” I tell her.
She kicks at my chair. I don’t need to see it to know it’s her. “Then why aren’t you excited?”
I lift my arm, staring up at Rebel as the sun surrounds her with a halo of light. “Because I said I want to settle down, but I never said I was ready to start popping out kids, being tied down to family life filled with no fun.”
“We have fun,” Gigi argues. “Who here doesn’t have fun?”
I turn my head and narrow my eyes. “Your idea of fun and mine are two very different things.”
She shakes her head and whispers, “Moron.”
“Seriously, though. What’s your idea of a good time now that you have a husband and a family?”
“There’s no difference except I know who’s going to be sleeping next to me every night.”
I let out a bitter laugh. “There’re lots of differences. Do you sleep in on your days off?”
She purses her lips. “No.”
“Kids,” I mumble. “I just want to try a relationship. I don’t know if I’m ready or able to get married and do the whole one-person thing, but I’m willing to try.”
Rebel sits down on the lounger next to my legs, waving her hands for me to scoot over. “The whole one-person thing?” She giggles. “You’re an idiot sometimes.”
“Only sometimes?” Gigi asks her.
“Mello, babe.” Rebel places her hand on my shin, giving it a light squeeze.