Sin of Silence (Sinner's Empire #1) - Nikita Slater Page 0,74
world shifting irrevocably and he couldn’t bring himself to regret it.
“Hey.”
Jozef looked down. She was blinking sleepily up at him with a quizzical look. He must’ve woken her when he touched her cheek. He looked at her, wanting to tell her to go back to sleep but not wanting to stop touching her to make the signs.
She wiggled against him and closed her eyes, sighing deeply. He thought she went back to sleep, but then she spoke, her voice quiet and serious, “What does it feel like to kill someone?”
Jozef froze at the unexpected question. Her eyes were open now, and she tilted her head so she could look at him. Her gaze was curious rather than accusing. Jozef thought about what to say. Did he tell her the truth, or did he tell her something that might make her feel better? Did he know her well enough to know what she might find comforting?
Maybe it was good that she knew about him, knew how rotten his soul was. She should know exactly who she would be marrying. And if she didn’t like it, she would have to learn to live with it, because she wasn’t going anywhere.
Jozef twisted until he was half facing her and she could clearly see his hands. She lifted her head off the pillow to watch as he signed. I was sixteen when I became Krystoff’s enforcer. I was young, cocky, full of myself. I had this friend, another young guy, M-A-X, who worked the streets with me. He was one of our recruiters. We grew close. Played video games together, worked together, partied together. I ate meals at his house, prepared by his grandmother. I took their food and their friendship.
“Oh god,” she whispered, as though she knew what was coming. He didn’t stop.
My friend started skimming profit. Krystoff’s accountant blew the whistle and I was charged with taking care of the matter. It was my job to put my best friend in the ground.
“Wh-what did you do?”
He shrugged. I pulled the trigger.
“Why?” she demanded angrily. “Couldn’t you have warned him, sent him away or something?”
He stared at her steadily and then shook his head. As the family dog, it is both my duty and my pleasure to enact the orders of my uncle. I am effective because I’m loyal to those who are loyal to me.
“Who are you to decide who deserves death and who doesn’t?” she sputtered, pushing away from him, her voice rising in anger. “You destroy families! What about his grandmother? You took away her grandson, someone she loved.”
Jozef took a deep breath to calm the pain her words were causing. They hit too close to home. You wanted to know how it feels to kill someone?
She nodded, her eyes golden pools of accusation.
I remember every face, every name, everything about them. I accept the pain I have caused their families and I take it into myself. With every kill, another piece of my soul is torn away. I kept track of M-A-X’s grandmother until the day she died. I made sure she was taken care of, sending food and money anonymously. I will never forget her face, nor the way she looked at me on the day of his funeral, knowing that her grandson’s killer was standing next to his casket.
“Then why do you do it?” she cried out.
It is my duty.
The stricken look on her face told him she either didn’t understand or she couldn’t accept his words. He didn’t want her to hate him, especially not after the moments they’d shared over the past several hours. He wanted to grab her and force her back to his side, force her to touch him willingly again. But of course, he couldn’t. He couldn’t reassure her, either. There needed to be truth between them.
This is the world I live in. There are no good guys or bad guys. Some people need to die, and in this family, it’s my job to make those decisions regardless of my feelings.
“I didn’t deserve to die,” Shaun cried out, her voice filled with the anger and trauma of their first day together.
Jozef’s heart ached for her. She was confused, hurt, scared, and he couldn’t be the one to reassure her. She was part of this life now and she needed to adapt. He reached out and took her chin in his hand, forcing her to look at him.
No, you didn’t deserve to die.
“But you would’ve killed me!” Her voice broke on a sob.