Callum deserves to be happy. Everything in me hopes that he truly is.
There’s a slight twist to his expression that makes him look mildly pained. My heart lands in the pit of my stomach. He’s still hurt, still reeling. Because of me.
He sighs, eyes still on me “It’s been a bit rough since we . . . well, you know.” Clearing his throat, he drops his eyes to my sand-covered feet, then lifts them back up to my face. “Lemon and the kittens miss you.”
“I’m dying to see them and give them a cuddle.” I smile at the thought of them. “How are they?”
“Playful and curious. And always hungry. Lemon’s been a great mum, though, always keeping them in check.” Callum lets out a chuckle, his face turning joyful when he talks about them.
“Finn told me there are two boys and a girl.”
He nods. “You still have to help name them.”
I wonder how exactly we’ll figure out cat custody now that we’re over and he’s paired up with someone else. I’m about to bring it up when he speaks again.
“Congratulations by the way,” he says. “I know I left a comment on Instagram, but I never knew if you saw it, and I wanted to say it in person too.”
“Thank you. I did. You were so sweet to do that.”
His eyebrows wrinkle, concern painting his face. “I’m sorry for what I said to you at the festival, how dismissive I was. I was out of line. I know how much your work means to you, what it means for your mum. I always have. I just didn’t . . . I just wasn’t thinking straight in the moment. I was so caught up in my feelings at the time.”
At the time.
Of course. Because now everything has changed between us. He doesn’t feel the same way about me anymore.
I pause, biting my lip. I still owe him an apology. Now’s my chance, to finally say what I’ve been aching to say to him for weeks, even if it won’t change a thing. “I’m so, so sorry, Callum. For how I lashed out at you, for how I didn’t even give us a fighting chance.”
My voice trembles. I can’t help the sadness coursing through me. It’s been lying dormant inside me for weeks, but now that he’s in front of me, it explodes, like lava bursting through a crack in the earth.
“I know I messed up big-time,” I say. “And I just want you to know that I regret what I said to you.” Despite the way my voice quivers, I hope he can hear just how much I mean it.
Tears fall, but this time I don’t bother to wipe them away.
His face twists, then softens. “Nikki—”
“Wait, just let me finish.” My voice trips on a sob. “My mom pointed out to me not so long ago that I’ve been pushing people away ever since I lost my dad. And just like you said, I was afraid of getting hurt—because I didn’t want to lose another person like I lost my dad. I was just too scared to admit it.”
I stop to take a breath. Callum’s chest heaves up and down in unison with me.
“I know it’s too late to fix things between us, but I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am. You deserve an apology.”
The words “I love you” spark on the edge of my tongue. I even open my mouth, but I don’t say it. Because what good would that do, to tell him I love him when he’s with someone else now? It would just add to the stockpile of pain.
With a swallow, I erase the words. The pause between us stretches. All I hear are crashing waves and the sound of chatter around us.
I wipe both palms of my hands against my soaked cheeks, sniffling. “I’ve wanted to tell you that for a while now. I even . . .”
I contemplate explaining my romantic grand gesture, but I stop myself. What would be the point of that? I bend down to rinse the snot and tears from my hands in the warm ocean water. Callum watches, still saying nothing.
“I should have found you sooner so I could apologize in person, but I don’t even know where you’re working now,” I say.
“Kahului. By the airport.”
“Oh. That’s good. Really good. You probably get a steady funnel of tourists who arrive from their flights starving.”
“Nikki—”
A sound like a joyless laugh spurts from me. “That’s actually genius. Why didn’t