I was good at it, too. Perhaps coming clean to Callum was the push I needed to step out of my comfort zone and finally take a chance at that little dream.
“And you what?” Callum prodded, still studying me closely.
I blew out a long breath, my courage mostly fleeing when I replied, “And there is actually a girl back home, but it’s complicated.”
“How so?”
I swallowed tightly, impulsively choosing to tell him the truth while leaving out the incriminating details. “We met online, but she has no idea what I look like.”
“So what? You’re hardly ugly. It’s not like she’s going to be horrified when she meets you.”
I stared at my beer. “When I described myself to her, I wasn’t exactly honest.”
“What kind of person did you describe?”
Christ, why was I even telling him this? It was like taking a step dangerously close to the edge of a cliff. “Someone a little like you.”
“Ah,” Callum said, sitting back on his stool. “I see.”
“Do you?”
He nodded, a thoughtful expression on his face as he fiddled with a cardboard coaster. “When Leanne and I got together, I mean, when we got together properly, that must’ve fucked your head up a little, right?”
“Well, I wouldn’t exactly say that, but—”
“But it obviously did a number on your confidence. You probably thought to yourself, if only I were more like him, maybe she would’ve picked me instead.”
“I don’t think I want to be having this conversation,” I said, a tension headache forming at my temples.
Callum pointed the coaster at me. “Well, it’s a conversation we need to have. Leanne and me ending up together has nothing to do with you, Neil. It doesn’t reflect on your worth or what a great bloke you are. We just always had that spark, that connection where we couldn’t leave each other alone. The rest of the world might as well not exist.”
“Sounds really nice.”
“It is nice. It’s more than nice, but what I’m saying is, you could’ve been the most perfect man in the world, and she still would’ve had her eyes fixed on me. As I said, we had the spark. And one day, you’re going to meet someone. Maybe it won’t be completely clear to you at first, but there’ll be something about her, something that will refuse to let you leave her alone. Like, when I first met Leanne, she rubbed me up the wrong way entirely. We didn’t get along at all. But then, over time, I realised why she annoyed me so much. It was because she’d burrowed her way under my skin.”
What he said sparked a memory of me sitting at the table in the sushi restaurant across from Afric. I’d been so incredibly annoyed by her, yet she had my undivided attention all the same. I dismissed the thought. Afric and I were nothing like Callum and Leanne. They were soulmates; while we were … Well, I wasn’t entirely sure what we were, but I certainly didn’t think we were soulmates.
“The only way to know if this internet girl is the one for you is to meet her in person. If she doesn’t like the real you, then she’s not worth another second of your time.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” I said, even though I just couldn’t imagine actually meeting Annabelle. And though I’d told Callum about her, she wasn’t the woman who had thrown all my current thoughts and feelings into disarray.
“You sure you don’t want me to set you up with someone here?” Callum asked. “Give your hand a night off. The poor bastard must be run ragged.”
At this, I laughed. “He’s definitely run ragged, but no, I don’t think a one-night stand will help in what’s troubling me.”
Callum patted me on the shoulder. “Let’s finish these pints and get our arses back to the hotel then because I’m absolutely knackered.”
10.
Afric
“Tell me again why we’re going to a book club when we could be out doing, oh, say absolutely anything else?” Billy asked as we rode the bus to the library where Neil’s sister worked.
“Because I promised Neil we’d go to fill out the numbers. His sister organised the book club, and she’s worried no one’s going to turn up.”
“Oh, even better. So, we could be the only two people there, and I haven’t even read the book.”
“I gave you a rundown of the story, didn’t I?”
Billy might not have read the book, but I had. Every couple of months, I did a weeklong gaming detox where I spent zero time online