of relief. She hadn't failed completely as a mother. "Just because we didn't dress up in those dreadful white seersucker suits and Panama hats to watch the Kentucky Derby doesn't mean we didn't have meaningful traditions with our son."
Reese took his eyes off the road long enough to glance at her. "Do you remember the year Paul insisted on making you Eggs Benedict?"
"Oh, my goodness, it took Martha months to get the stovetop clean."
"But you ate every bite. You were such a trouper," Reese said. "I don't think I ever loved you more than I did that day."
Jacqueline's smile faded as she stared out the passenger window. They had loved each other, and in their own ways, they still did. All this talk about traditions and family had stirred up the dust of bygone years, swirling a storm of happy memories in her direction. It was all a bit unsettling.
"I'm glad Paul and Tammie Lee want to start traditions with their daughter," Reese said as they neared the house. "Aren't you?"
"Yes," Jacqueline answered softly. She very much wanted that for her grandchild. She imagined a little girl, dark-haired like Paul, her small arms reaching up to Jacqueline. Tammie Lee might not be her first choice of a wife for her son, but Paul seemed happy. Soon he'd make her a grandmother. Yes, there were a few compensations to be found in this marriage.
Whatever the reason, Jacqueline felt better than she had in months. Perhaps Reese was right and she was being too hard on the girl.
CHAPTER 15
CAROL GIRARD
C arol had been in a good mood all week. She and Doug had impulsively gone out for a wonderful Thai dinner last night, she'd had some encouraging conversations with her online group, and her knitting skills were improving daily. She was looking forward to her class the following day, the fourth in the series. In the last three weeks she'd begun to really enjoy knitting and tackled it with the same energy and enthusiasm she brought to everything in her life. Her first blanket had been a bit flawed; it had a few uneven stitches, so she'd donated it to the Linus Project and bought the yarn for a second one. She had much better control of the yarn's tension and was pleased with how this new blanket was turning out.
Carrying in the mail, she set it on the table. An envelope addressed to her was on top and Carol recognized the married name of a college friend who'd moved to California. She tore open the envelope, excited to hear from Christine. It didn't take her long to discover that it wasn't a letter as she'd hoped, but a birth announcement.
In that instant, Carol's good mood spiraled downward. She caught her breath and sank into a kitchen chair as she read the details about Christine's infant born just two weeks earlier on May 27th. A baby boy, the card said.
Christine was the kind of woman who did everything according to a predetermined schedule. That included marrying the perfect man, getting pregnant exactly when she'd planned to, and then delivering a healthy baby.
Carol swallowed hard. Few people would understand the depression she felt at that moment. Only her online friends could fully appreciate her feelings.
Carol sat staring at the wall as she tried to overcome her sense of inadequacy and frustration. She was genuinely happy for Christine and Bill. Yet at the same time, she wanted to pull her hair out and scream at the heavens - demand to know why she wasn't pregnant. Why her body didn't function the way other women's bodies did. These were all questions she'd asked herself dozens of times, questions she'd asked every expert she'd met, and still she had no answers.
Eventually she would have a baby. Carol had to believe that. But it was taking so much longer than she'd ever imagined. The waiting was the most maddening. She had to wait for the medical appointments with the specialists. Then she had to wait for the tests, wait for the treatments and wait again for additional treatments. They weren't pleasant experiences, either. Forget about privacy and modesty. Forget about everything except this compulsion to have a child.
Carol's periods had become far more than a monthly nuisance; it was as if her whole world centered on her menstrual cycle. And when they did start, her heart broke and she struggled with the bitterness of disappointment.
Every month that passed - every period that came - was like