But one question kept circling in her head: If Brandon was with his former friend’s ex-wife now, why was he in bed with his secretary?
“You’ve said for years that you’re in love with her. When she came to the office last Friday, and you left early with her…” God, she couldn’t look at him and give him the words to break her heart. She rolled to her back and stared at the ceiling, covering her br**sts with the sheet. “I invented reasons to call you over the weekend. A few times. You never answered. I assumed you were…busy.”
“With Kayla? No.” He sighed. “Em, we just had a drink together. She came to apologize for the way things ended all those years ago. She’s apparently in therapy and looking for ways to mend fences so she can forgive herself.”
“The way things ended?”
“Jack Cole was my friend. We had an affair…while he was still married to her. I never told you that part. I’m not proud of it. We weren’t together long before she left me, too. I thought she was the one that got away or whatever, and I’d been carrying a torch for her.”
Brandon paused, and Em worked up the courage to look his way. He was staring again, this time with an expression she couldn’t begin to decipher.
“But you’re not?” she blurted before she could stop herself.
He rolled on his side and braced his head on his hand. With his free hand, he gripped her hip and urged her to roll closer and face him. “No. The hour I spent with her surprised me. I felt nothing except sorry for her. She’s really screwed up her life since she left me. She got married again, got divorced again. She drank a little too much. She’s finding her way out now. I told her that I was happy for her if she was getting her head screwed on straight. But I turned down her invitation to go out sometime.”
As he spoke, it was like the fist that had been clutching her heart painfully released little by little. She realized that she’d been holding her breath and let go. “Oh.”
“So now I’ve spilled. Your turn.”
Em tried to wriggle away, but Brandon wasn’t having any of it. Being emotionally vulnerable to a man who’d never treated her as anything more than an efficient assistant was a little like bungee jumping—a whole lot of terrifying. Some people found it fun. She hadn’t. She didn’t think this was going to be worth many laughs, either. But she wasn’t chickening out.
“I’ve…had feelings for you for a while. It seemed less painful to leave than watch you be happy with someone else.”
“Just feelings? You quit a job you love to avoid me. You had sex with me when you thought I was committed to someone else.”
God, what did he want? “Okay, strong feelings.”
Brandon looked like he wanted to press harder, but he didn’t. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? At least give me a hint?”
Em bit her lip. How could she answer that without baring her soul?
“Don’t try to phrase things in a way you think will be easier for me to hear,” he demanded. “Just say it.”
She sighed and shook her head. “I thought you were in love with someone else. I had to see you every day, work with you. If I told you or hit on you, and you rejected me, it would have been awkward. I didn’t want personal stuff in the way of all the good we’re doing for the first responders. Some of the equipment we’ve recently pushed the city to buy would have saved my dad’s life.” She teared up. “I mean, it’s been seven years since he died. I’ve gotten on with my life; he would have wanted it that way.” She sniffled. “But I’m still damn angry that penny pinching contributed to his death. All I’ve ever wanted to do was keep another family from losing their loved one.”
In fact, she didn’t really want to leave her job now, but she’d been certain that Kayla was back in Brandon’s life… And she’d been unable to pine for him any longer and live with the pain.
But since he wasn’t carrying a torch for Kayla, what now?
“I know,” he reassured, caressing her shoulder. “You’ve done a lot of good for the firefighters. Your father would be proud.”
Inside, his thoughts raced. Em had hidden her feelings for him for weeks? Months? Years? All because she’d believed he would have chosen Kayla over her.
Maybe…she’d been right—until a few days ago. Before, he hadn’t been able to let go of Kayla. She’d been like a ghost haunting him. Many times, he’d questioned what he’d done wrong to drive her away. Seeing Kayla again had enabled him to understand that he’d done nothing wrong. She hadn’t been capable of love or devotion five years ago. They’d been all wrong for one another.
But maybe if Em had spoken up sooner, he would have looked at her in a whole new light and decided to let go of the past. It didn’t really matter now. All that mattered was that Em had opened his eyes today. In fact, he couldn’t stop staring at her.
“Um, I hope you didn’t feel rejected earlier, in your foyer.” He peered at her, watching her reaction. “If you did, I wasn’t doing something right.”
She flushed. God, he adored that pretty, pale skin. “Um, no. That was amazing.”
“Had you imagined us before, together?”
Her gaze slid away and a fresh stain crept up her cheeks, but she nodded. “More than a few times.”
Em had an advantage over him there, but Brandon was guessing that he had more experience. And his mind was much dirtier. Still, he was curious.
“Give me some examples.”