“I shouldn’t need a lawyer.”
Probably not, Kell conceded. But he couldn’t let her ask Tate. The big genius would agree to represent her, then likely argue against himself in court.
“You’re being an ass, and I don’t understand why,” she went on. “You’re the one who wanted to be rid of me. So I left. Why does anything I do matter to you anymore?”
“Because they’re desperate, Belle. Could you just hear me out? We might be able to avoid a crappy, embarrassing court case we’re sure to lose.”
“At least you admit I’m right.” Arms crossed, she frowned and turned away from him, watching her dog-thing run around the tiny yard.
“It’s a stall tactic, and you know it. You’ve watched us work enough to know that sometimes we wait out the opposition long enough to make them rethink their position.” He sighed. “Listen, they can’t walk away. They won’t.”
“They?”
This was the hard part. He had to be honest with her. “We. I should probably go, but I don’t want to either, Belle. I need to talk to you before we make any decisions about the situation. But first, think about what Eric and Tate are offering you.”
She turned to him, her eyes wary under the delicate arch of her brows. Even in a cartoonish nightshirt, she was so beautiful it hurt. “I’ve already had a dose of what they’re offering me. I think I should keep waiting.”
“You’re not being fair, Belle. You are the singular most forgiving person I know, so why are you punishing them for my stance? You dropped a bomb on us that night.”
“It wasn’t a bomb, just the honest truth.”
“Maybe, but the news hit me like a ton of bricks.” He sighed because she was being naïve. “The honest truth is telling Eric that you liked the way he kissed or Tate that you swooned at the sight of him without a shirt, or even admitting that you enjoyed the spanking I gave you. Springing your virginity on us? That was a megaton bomb that blew up in my face. I admit that I didn’t handle it well. Don’t punish Eric and Tate for my behavior.”
She sat on one of the white patio chairs in the shady courtyard and hugged herself in the morning breeze. She seemed almost frail in that moment, though it was an illusion. Belle was strong. Kell had no doubt she’d easily survive his stupidity.
As much as he hated to admit it, he was the fucking fragile one. He pulled out the chair beside her, legs scraping the flagstone gently, then sank down. He ached to hold her close, but he’d lost that right. Hell, he’d never had it in the first place, and it was time to let her know why. “You know I was married, right?”
Belle shook her head, her long black hair caressing her shoulders softly. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”
“Maybe I don’t have to, but I should.” Otherwise, nothing between them would work. She’d keep hoping for more from him because she always expected the best in others. And he’d just keep hurting her because he wasn’t strong enough to walk away again on his own accord. “Belle, I’m trying to salvage any sort of relationship between us because I really do care about you. I don’t even want to think about a world where I don’t see you, but you need to understand why I can’t do the hearts and flowers thing. Do you hate me so much that you won’t even listen?”
Somehow he hadn’t expected that of her. He should know better than anyone that a single moment could change a person for life. He should know that one betrayal could make an idealist bitter. He stood, sick to his stomach that he’d been the one to do it to her. Damn it to hell, he was going to have to find the strength to walk away from all of them because he was toxic if he could ruin someone as sweet as Belle with a few careless words. Destroying her would kill his best friends, too.
He just fucked everything up wherever he went.
“Never mind. I won’t force you to hear this.” He curled his fingers into a fist to stop himself from touching her. “I’m sorry.”
Belle touched him, a hesitant caress of her fingertips on the back of his hand, so soft he almost didn’t feel it. “Stop. You think I hate you, Kellan, and I don’t.”
When he looked down he saw that gorgeous face he knew so well, the one he saw every day while he worked and dreamed of every night when he slept. It tore at his heart. “I wouldn’t blame you if you did.”
She shook her head. “I know you were married. Since you’re not anymore, I assume it didn’t end well.”
He eased back into the chair beside her, so close now their knees nearly touched. The intimacy of their closeness in the early morning light made it easier to confess his past.
“It was more than the end. Way more.” He rubbed a hand across the back of his neck, trying to ease away the tension. “I met Lila in law school. We were the golden couple of our class.”
The slightest smile tugged her lips up. “I can see that.”
His head sometimes hurt just thinking about his ex-wife and her machinations. “My father is a judge.”
“In DC, right?”
“Yes, he’s a federal court judge, but before that he was a lawyer for years. Kent and Associates was a powerhouse firm. We made millions. When the president appointed dear old dad, I took over the firm. Well, Lila and I took it over. We hadn’t been married long.” He shook his head, thinking about all his stupid hopes and foolish dreams back then.
Belle tucked her hand in his. A stronger man would push her away, but damn, the world seemed like a better place when she touched him.
“Obviously, the divorce had a profound effect on you, Kell. You must have loved her very much.” A well of sympathy filled her voice.