Now he was arguing with himself. Awesome.
Dane planted his hands on his hips and forced himself to suck in a breath, clear his head. What exactly had happened? The whole way up the trail to the lagoon, he’d been hoping that this would be the day. Once he got to wherever Lan and Coop had claimed was paradise, that maybe they would kiss her a little, maybe seduce her out of her clothes. They’d talked about all being there, going slow with her. But he’d wanted to get inside her. He’d wanted to make love to her.
Then he’d discovered that Landon had beaten him to the punch.
When he’d crashed into the clearing to find her, so f**king gorgeous with her head thrown back, taking pleasure from Lan and Cooper, he’d felt dizzy with shock. He’d stood there and watched as she’d given herself to them, and his blood had boiled with betrayal. Terrible accusations had spewed from his mouth. On the way back to base camp, he’d cursed. This wasn’t her fault, or Coop and Lan’s.
It was his own.
While on top of him, Lan had allowed Alea the control she’d undoubtedly needed. His buddies could be gentle with Alea. They could treat her right. They didn’t have perverse needs.
They were better for her than he was.
Cooper and Landon hadn’t been kicked out of the military. Oh, Dane had been allowed to leave of his own accord, but everyone knew he’d been a hairsbreadth away from a court martial. Alea deserved an honorable lover, and he wasn’t that.
He didn’t have a family anymore. They’d all turned their backs on him. He didn’t have wealth or even much of a future. When he really thought about it, he didn’t have a whole f**king lot to offer her. He scrubbed a hand through his hair. He should have kept it together, but no, he’d said some terrible things because he’d felt so damn inadequate in that moment. He’d just known that she’d waited until he was gone and she was alone with Lan and Coop to make love.
He sank down into the sand, his head in his hands. He’d walked into that little piece of paradise and he’d turned into a kid again. He’d been eight f**king years old and his brothers had been taking what he wanted just because they could, so he’d lashed out. How pathetic was he?
“Dane?” A soft voice pulled him out of his misery.
Alea stood looking at him. She was wearing Cooper’s T-shirt, her golden legs bare and her feet sinking into the sand. He’d expected to see rage on that gorgeous face, but she was looking down at him with doe eyes.
And all he could do was beg for forgiveness. “I am so sorry.”
She sniffled a little before sinking into the sand next to him. “At first I was going to throw things at you like a warrior princess. I think I’d better leave the battling to you guys because all the enemy has to do is look sad and I give up.”
Her heart would always be too soft for real war. She proved it by sliding her arm against his. He was willing to take any warmth she would give.
“I jumped to conclusions and said things…” Dane sighed. “I was a complete ass.”
She nodded slowly. “You were. We weren’t trying to shut you out. I know that’s what you think. But for once in my life, I was in the moment. So much of my life is planned out for me—schedules, appearances, even my meals. I didn’t want this to be planned, too, Dane. I was swimming with nature, basking in the sun…and I felt so free. I wanted to keep that feeling. I wanted to share it.”
She hadn’t done anything wrong. He kissed the top of her head, loving how she opened up to him. He’d been the one to f**k up, yet she was still here with him, offering his dumb ass comfort. “I want that for you, too, Lea.”
She pulled back slightly so she could look up at him. Her gorgeous face was so grave, he would have done just about anything to get the softness back. “Are you sure you want this kind of relationship?”
He hadn’t in the beginning. At all. “I wasn’t taught to share, Alea. But, yes, I want this. I screwed up today. I can only say I’m sorry and it won’t happen again.”
“How can you be sure? Dane, I know about your wife.”
“She’s not my wife.” He couldn’t even stand to think about her now.
“Your ex-wife. She left you for your brother, right?”
“My brother turned out to be the better bet. And he didn’t need to tie her up to get off.”
“You needed to tie her up?” Alea frowned. “I mean, like always?”
She sounded daunted by the prospect. “No. Not always, but toward the end I realized I wasn’t in love with her, so sex became a game. There was no making love in that relationship. There was an exchange of goods and services. When I got cut off from the family money, she found another way to tap into it.”
“I can’t make up for what she did to you. But this is the kind of relationship where jealousy just can’t have a place.”
“I wasn’t asking you to make up for what happened to me.” Was he?
“I can’t fix what she did, either. Dane, I believe this relationship can work, but not if you’re going to make me choose. I grew up differently than you. I know this will require a shift in your thinking, but I’m crazy about all three of you. My aunt and uncles were so happy, and I want that for myself. I want that for us. But it can’t work if you don’t believe that I’ll care for you all wholly and equally.”
“I’ve done everything I know to make this work.” The accusation stung. He’d been the one to bring them all together. He’d been the one to pull Lan out of his damn shell and to soothe Coop’s doubts. He’d been the one to get Alea talking. Sure she didn’t like discussing her abduction, but she at least opened up about how she felt now.