“Gavin.” Slade sobered as he sat in the chair nearby. “You don’t have to be here alone.” His brother’s soft words made his gut clench. He attempted to maintain a placid demeanor. “I prefer the solitude, Slade.”
“No, you don’t. Come on, man. Talk to me. I don’t know what’s going on in your head.
Hannah has feelings for you. She admitted it to me and Dex. She wants to be with all of us.
You’re the only one maintaining distance, and I don’t get it. I know you love her.” Gavin’s irritation rose like a kettle getting ready to boil over. “Do I need to put it in the plainest terms possible? I’m not interested.”
“Bullshit. This is about Nikki. She’s dead, and you feel guilty for being alive. I never understood why you’d waste your emotion on her. I can’t keep this a secret any longer. I overheard her telling one of her trailer-trash girlfriends that she was only interested in your money and your position. She didn’t love you. Damn it, Gavin, she came onto me just before she died, when she thought she was losing you. I had planned to tell you, but when she died, it didn’t seem right to pile that knowledge on top of an already tragic incident. Now I wonder if I made the right decision. You’ve damn near buried yourself with her. I can’t stand to watch a ghost drag you down any more.”
Cold filled Gavin’s gut. He’d known most of that, but it didn’t change anything. What right did his younger brother have to throw this shit in his face? He might have started the relationship with Nikki with the best of intentions, but the most they had ever had together was good sex.
He’d never intended to marry her, never been in love with her. He hadn’t even cared when she’d threatened to kill herself.
Do what you have to, Nikki.
His own cold words echoed in his brain. All he needed to keep him away from Hannah was to think about the past. He didn’t deserve another chance after Nikki’s demise. And especially not after what had happened to…
Gavin didn’t dare finish the thought. Instead, he turned to his brother, eager to strike back. It was the only way to end his constant beating at Gavin’s well-built defenses. “Hannah is a lovely girl, Slade. I am very happy that you and Dex have finally gotten between her legs. If you want to marry her, hell, I’ll pay for the wedding, but she’s not for me. I need someone with more style, more polish. Can you imagine me inviting investors over? She’s a sweet thing, but she wouldn’t last a minute with society matrons. They would eat her alive. Sure, I’d enjoy f**king Hannah, but marriage and kids?” He scoffed. “I can’t possibly build a life with her.” A little gasp from the doorway froze Gavin’s heart. He turned, and Hannah stood in the hallway, Dex by her side. She was wearing a robe that couldn’t quite conceal the gorgeous bounty of her br**sts. Dex’s arm came around her middle, pulling her to him. Even in the low light, Gavin couldn’t mistake his hard eyes and furious snarl.
But Gavin couldn’t take it back, no matter how much it hurt to cause Hannah pain. It was better this way. They were all better off without him. He could plainly see that if he didn’t end their hope now, they would never stop hounding him to get over Nikki and build a family with Hannah. And it might be cowardly, but he much preferred that they hate him for maligning Hannah than know the truth. Perhaps one day, when they were older, they’d forgive him for a few cruel words. They’d never forgive what he’d done to Nikki.
“I am sorry, Hannah,” Gavin managed to say in an even tone, though his heart wrenched. “I didn’t intend to hurt you.”
Her lips trembled as though she was holding in some strong emotion. Pride obviously won because her chin came up. “What you just said tore my heart out. And you’re wrong. I can hold my own with anyone. I would have made a great wife. You won’t find a woman who would have been a better mother to your children. But if all you’re looking for is someone to keep your social calendar and look pretty at company parties, then I don’t want you. I suggest you find another admin, Mr. James.”
God, he’d planted the knife in his own chest, but with her words, she’d just turned it. But that was for the best, too.
She turned her face up to Dex’s. “I think I lost my appetite. I just want to go to bed. Could we do that?”
Dex didn’t hesitate. He pulled her closer, his big arms cradling her, protecting her from the world. “Of course, darlin’. You go on. Slade and I will be down in a minute.” He kissed her forehead, and she walked down the hall, as regal as any princess. She was right. She would make a hell of a wife. Now, he would never marry because the only woman he wanted was one he could never have.
The instant Hannah walked around the corner, Dex turned on him. His fists were balls of fury. Slade stepped between them, but Gavin almost wished he hadn’t. Letting Dex beat him might provide some small atonement. It would sure as hell be better than living with Hannah’s face haunting his dreams.
“You’re a despicable son of a bitch,” Dex snarled his way.
“You’re surprised?” Gavin tossed back. He felt like burning down everything. Something nasty had ahold of his gut. If he destroyed everything, maybe he could finally be alone with his guilt.
“Shut up,” Slade snapped at him, bracing both hands against their youngest brother’s chest to prevent a pending assault. “Dex, he didn’t mean a f**king word of that.”
“Stop talking for me.” Slade’s insistence on his innate goodness was starting to grate on Gavin. No matter what he did or said, Slade simply wouldn’t let him be. “I meant everything I said. Hannah is fine, but my position is all about image, and I can’t take a little country girl as my bride. If the two of you want to saddle yourself with a girl who has a community college education and no real manners, then good for you.”
Dex paused. His arms came down, unwilling to continue the fight. That disappointed Gavin.
“Slade’s right. You’re full of shit. I know you love that woman. What the hell are you hiding?” Dex demanded.
Gavin’s stomach turned. The last thing he wanted was Dex checking into the past. Slade would wait, never imagining that his brother would keep something from him. For Dex, trust came hard. He’d dig up everything.
“I’m not hiding anything. I’ve stated plainly that I don’t want a relationship with Hannah.” Dex glared at him. “You don’t want to marry Hannah. You’re far too interested in your corporate image, right? Well then explain this to me, Gavin. As Black Oak’s CEO, there isn’t a woman more involved in your life or your business than your secretary. You’ve allowed Hannah to plan your parties, act as your hostess. She’s always handled herself perfectly. You’ve said it yourself. So don’t give me this crap. She’s practically been your wife in every way but one. Now you find fault with her? There’s something else going on, and I intend to find out what it is. Do you want to save me the trouble?”
“Fuck off, Dex. And stay out of my business.” He charged.
Slade slapped a hand to Gavin’s chest to ward him off. His eyes narrowed as he pushed back, then glanced Dex’s way. “Let’s go and take care of Hannah, brother. Gavin has some serious thinking to do about coming clean because I think he’s definitely hiding something. If he is, we’ll find it. And there will be hell to pay.”
In silent unison, Dex and Slade strode toward the bedroom, where Hannah was probably crying.
Gavin flipped off the lights again and slumped down into the nearest chair, completely weary. He had to find a way to distract them from digging into Nikki’s death. He could handle rehashing it; he did that nearly every day in his head. But he couldn’t handle their censure, their disgust, when they learned the truth. Fuck, no matter what he did, he was going to lose his brothers. He’d already lost Hannah. He wouldn’t have her cheery smile to look forward to any more. No longer could he fool himself into thinking that someday he’d find a way to be with her.
That dream was over.