“How is she holding up?”
“Exhausted and afraid. I’m doing everything I can to keep her safe and calm.”
“I know you are.” His former boss paused. “You want to tell me what’s going on between you two?”
“Long story.”
“That ends with you finding out fifteen months too late that you have a son. You had no clue?”
“None. She’s a friend’s wife. Well, ex-wife now—and ex-friend. I know that raises a million questions, just . . . not tonight.”
Alyssa sighed. “How do you feel about her?”
Wasn’t that a f**king ironic question? Now Alyssa wanted to know how he felt. It was just as well she’d never taken him seriously. Maybe she’d always seen through him and known he was trying to substitute her for Del. But why? They really weren’t alike, except their backbone and determination to see something through.
His silence went on too long, and Alyssa broke it. “You’re in love with her.”
What the hell did he know about love? “I wondered for a while if I was in love with you, and you see how that worked out.”
“No, dumb ass. I get it now. You latched onto me because I was unavailable. The more I said no, the harder you pursued. I thought maybe you liked the challenge. But you were trying to forget her.”
Tyler closed his eyes. That sounded so painfully close to the truth. Great time to realize that his hard-on for Alyssa hadn’t been about her at all. He’d buried all his hurt and yearning under lust. After all, Alyssa and all the girls at Sexy Sirens looked damn fine in corsets, thongs, and garter belts. But no matter how many Krystals, Jessis, Candys, or Aspens he f**ked, he’d felt nothing but desire.
Not like the night he’d given every bit of his body and passion to Del. He’d been searching for that high again—for her—in every other girl. He’d come up empty.
Wasn’t that a bitch?
The tangle of crap between them was deep and wide. They shared a son, and that mattered, but it didn’t guarantee that Del was going to care about him beyond being her baby daddy.
“You going to marry her?” Alyssa asked.
The question blindsided him. The thought of marrying Del, of having her in his bed every night . . . His dick stood up, totally approving the idea. His heart beat faster. But he doubted she was in a rush to get married again. Besides, he knew exactly zero about being a good husband or father. His own had packed up and walked out when he was six. His mother had always said that he had no business getting married because he’d be just as restless and irresponsible. The way he’d moved from bed to bed since puberty, Tyler had believed her.
But Del was different. Not just sexy, though she absolutely was in a way that flipped every switch in his body. She wasn’t just smart, but funny, tenacious, loyal. Perfect. If he were going to find one partner for life, he couldn’t do better.
He probably wasn’t going to get that chance. Even if she was willing to try forever, what if he wasn’t cut out for a picket fence? How badly would he hurt her if he couldn’t deal and left? She’d already been burned by Eric. Tyler couldn’t risk doing that to her again. He refused to cause her pain.
But the idea of just being an occasional father to Seth and even less to Del set off all kinds of fury bombs inside him. And if he left her to raise Seth alone, didn’t that make him the same kind of shithead as his own father?
“You’re thinking way too hard.” Alyssa sighed.
“Because I don’t know how the hell to answer you.”
“Do you want to marry her?”
“I don’t know. How do you know when you’re ready to marry someone? How do you know it’s right?”
“You have to trust that, no matter what, you’re going to be there for one other,” she said softly. “So decide quickly if you can be her rock. If not, that girl is going to walk out of your life again and never look back.”
***
THREE a.m., and he was wide awake. After learning about Seth, missing a good night’s sleep, then driving the better part of eighteen hours, he should have been f**king exhausted. But no. His brain raced. Anxiety clawed up his spine. He hoped he and his buddies had been clever enough to elude Carlson’s network until they could cruise into L.A. and put that motherfucker down.
And Alyssa’s words kept turning themselves over in his head.
In the next bed, Del slept restlessly, her bare legs sliding against the sheets. Staring into the dark at her, Tyler could only think about two things: some career criminal being after her, and the fact that, even if the danger ended today, he wasn’t prepared to let her go again. Both trains of thought made him ache to hold her. Protect her. Feel her safe and warm and luscious against him.
He probably should leave her alone, simply watch over her from his bed. But no one had ever accused him of being a gentleman. And he needed to start expressing now exactly how he wanted things between them.