Mama wasn’t asking exactly, and Gia knew the woman must have questions.
“I’m right behind you.”
Jason watched as she rose, his expression bolstering her. Yes, she could handle whatever happened with her family. Gia had put off this introduction, building it up in her head to a terrible confrontation that simply hadn’t materialized. He’d been right to give her a shove. She’d wanted to wait until she “knew” they would last to make him an official part of the family, but no couple had a guarantee of forever. It hadn’t been fair to him.
She’d made more than one decision about her marriage that she regretted.
As Gia and her mother left the table and wended through the growing crowd to the restrooms, she felt Jason’s eyes still on her. But when they disappeared into the ladies’ room, her mother turned to her immediately.
“You’ve been married nearly a year and didn’t tell us?”
Gia winced. Her mother rarely beat around the bush, but she was often gentle enough not to put someone on the spot. No mistaking her mom’s determination for information now.
“I didn’t know what to say.”
Her mother frowned. “You thought the truth would upset us?”
She should have realized Mama would see right through her. “I know he’s not Enzo.”
“Honey…” Her mother’s face softened with understanding. “You don’t love Enzo the way you love Jason.”
“Yeah. I wanted to for your sake, but…”
“Don’t. I know your dad and I put a lot of pressure on you in the past, but Tony’s death made us realize that no one is assured a tomorrow. We want every day you spend in this life to be a happy one. Enzo doesn’t love you the way Jason does.”
Well, since her husband didn’t love her at all, according to him, she wasn’t exactly sure how to reply to her mother. “It’s been a really tough year, Mama. I cut Jason out of my life and it hurt so much. I don’t know why he’s forgiven me, why he wants me back, why he chose me in the first place. I’m scared.”
“If loving someone doesn’t scare you at least a little, then they don’t really mean much to you.” Her mother pulled her into a hug. “He chose you because you’re beautiful and giving, because you’re selfless and smart. What more could he want?”
“Someone like him. Someone raised in his circles with all the money and the advantages it buys. Hell, sometimes when he takes me out, I’m embarrassed that I don’t know which fork to use.”
“You didn’t fall for someone raised in your circles. Do you love him less because he’s not Italian or a cop or Catholic? Because he knows which utensil to use when?”
“No.” When her mother said it, the whole idea sounded silly. “But I thought you might.”
“Would you really have left him for good if your father and I didn’t approve?” Mama cocked her head in a silent scold. “You’re a grown woman, Gianna.”
“I know. You’re right.” She loved Jason too much to leave him again. “It’s what’s in my heart that matters.”
“Exactly. Does he make you happy?”
“Yes, but we have some unresolved issues between us.”
“Then work them out. That’s what people who stay married do. Talk. Be as honest as you can. Share your fears. Give him your worries.”
Gia grimaced. “I haven’t been really good at that. When I got the phone call about Tony, I just…broke away. I knew the family would need me.”
“You gave up your happiness for Mila and the kids. Did you ever think that adding another member to the clan would make it stronger? That maybe he could help you and lessen the burden for everyone?”
“No.” And she saw it so clearly now that sorrow and guilt weren’t clouding her. “I didn’t really give him a chance. I just assumed he wouldn’t want to be knee-deep in diapers and baby vomit and all the depressing reality of Tony’s death and Mila’s problems.”
Her mother shot her a skeptical stare. “He hardly looks like the type who would crumble in the face of adversity.”
Again, Mama was wise. “You’re right. I feel like an idiot.”
“You may have left originally because of our tragedy, but you didn’t return to Jason for some reason I suspect is bigger than your obligation to Mila and the kids.”
She hadn’t trusted in what they had, in her appeal and ability to hold him. She had been sure that if she presented him with all her problems instead of her ass for a good spanking, that he’d get annoyed and leave. She’d lacked faith in herself, in him… “I have to fix it.”