Most of all, she didn’t want to put her family through this upheaval unless she believed that she and Jason could truly make a life together.
“It’s complicated.”
“It’s not,” he contradicted. “I’m not who they would have chosen for you. I understand that, but it’s your life and ultimately your choice. You say they ‘love’ you.”
“They do, but—”
“No buts. If they value your happiness, then they will allow you to make the best decision for you and respect it. Am I wrong?”
“You’re oversimplifying. They’re parents; they always think they know best.”
“You’re an adult with your own life.”
He was absolutely right. “But they’ve been the biggest part of it for years. I couldn’t do without them.”
“Well, I won’t be your dirty little secret any longer.” Jason gritted his teeth and sucked in a breath. “We are going to walk into that restaurant, and you’re going to introduce me as your husband. Or you are going to say your safe word. Tell me again what it is.”
“Divorce,” she choked out.
“That’s right. And we will never escape that possibility as long as you hide me from your family. All refusing to introduce us does is prove that you never intended to incorporate me into the important parts of your life.”
“I need time.” But as soon as the plea slipped from her lips, Gia knew she asked for too much.
“You’ve had nearly a year.”
She had more objections, but they were all about her escaping her family’s disappointment. About her not having to endure their shock and anger. Waiting did nothing but convince Jason that he wasn’t important to her. And that wasn’t true. If they could work it out, she wanted to stay with him. She loved him and wanted his happiness.
Her world tilted on its axis for a breath-stealing second. She steadied herself against his car as her thoughts raced. Could she even make him happy? Cold dread gripped her. Gia had no idea what Jason really saw in her. Maybe nothing.
Maybe that’s why he cared but didn’t love her.
God, she needed answers and she simply didn’t have them.
“Gia?” he asked, concern deepening his voice as the setting sun slanted through the windshield and cast a golden glow over his inky hair and bronzed skin. He watched her with blue eyes, fixed and unwavering.
“I’m fine,” she said automatically.
But she wasn’t. She’d been that insecure girl who’d let self-doubt cloud her brain and screw her up. She’d let fear rule her—and still did. She wasn’t a supermodel or a brainiac. She hadn’t come from a gilded background or even finished college. All along, she’d been unclear what she could possibly give him, and the moment her family obligations had separated them, she’d allowed her doubts to creep in and craft a million excuses for why they should remain apart.
Self-flagellation and guilt blistered through her.
“Then it’s time for you to decide. Do we meet your family or are you saying divorce?”
Instantly, Gia knew that if she uttered that word, he would take it literally and file tomorrow. On the other hand, if she stayed with him and he lost interest in a few months or years? It would hurt so much more.
No, she couldn’t look at it that way. She refused to lose him again because of her fears or to save her feelings. It reeked of cowardice and self-doubt, and she would not be that woman. Even if she disappointed her parents, she had to believe they would never stop loving her. She owed it to them to come clean. And she owed it to Jason to try making him a part of her family.
“Let’s go.” She grabbed her purse from the floorboard and shoved open the car door, shaking from head to toe.
They walked through the shadowed parking lot. Jason took her hand, holding her father’s professionally wrapped gift in the other, leading her to the door. He opened it for her, and the heavy wooden thing squeaked on its hinges. Delvecchio’s wasn’t big. The small bar area and takeout counter sat to the right, doing a steady business already. A dining area big enough for maybe fifty people lay beyond the hostess stand in front of a half wall just inside the foyer.
Gia swallowed, her palms turning sweaty as the familiar hostess turned to her. “Hi, Renee.”
“Gia!” The Delvecchio’s youngest daughter, only recently graduated from high school, called out to her with a little squeal. “I haven’t seen you in forever.” She eyed Jason not so discreetly. “Your parents said you weren’t coming tonight. They’ll be surprised to see you.”
Completely. That filled her with an anxious dread, but she wasn’t backing down.
“What corner did you sit them in? You know they’re going to be loud, right?”