cataclysmic way, her grief had exploded into rage.
Shattering rage against God. He could believe it, and he sent up a prayer for her forgiveness, and another that she never confess such a sin hi public.
As he put on the floor-length tunic of blue silk-embroidered wool that Jehanne had selected for him and added a gilded belt, he began to feel some comfort from their talk, bitter though it had been. He did understand now.
His problem, he thought, choosing a silver and gold chain to wear around his neck, was how to convince the world that there was no need of punishment.
A good start would be an impressive appearance as lord and lady. He summoned Jehanne back and told her to dress more richly.
She exchanged her workaday linen tunic for one of silk, and her braid girdle for one worked with gold thread and pearls. She dressed in silence and without looking at him at all.
"Don't fear me," he said. "I'm in control again."
She paused in the tying of the girdle to look at him, and it wasn't fear he saw in her eyes, but a frowning concern. "I must fear you, for then I will be cautious. If you were to hurt me, Galeran, you would never forgive yourself."
She knew him too well.
As he knew her.
"I hit you." There was still a faint yellowing on her face from that blow.
"And it bothers you still, doesn't it?"
"Deeply."
"So I must be careful for you. But if it serves a purpose to beat me, I hope you will."
"It is the last thing I want to do, Jehanne." But he told her then, while she rolled on fresh stockings, about Agnes and Edric. She smiled at some parts of the story, but she understood.
'"You know," she said, standing to adjust the folds of her gown, "in a strange way I might even welcome a whipping." She came over to fuss with the hang of his garment. "Do you think that sort of thing heals the soul like a penance after confession?"
"No," he said, seizing her busy hands. "Have you confessed your sin?"
She became very still. "No."
"Why not?"
"How can God forgive . . . ?"
"God can forgive anything. And perhaps if the priest gave you a suitable penance, you'd stop wanting me to."
He'd meant it as a joke, but she sighed. "Am I anything to you but a burden?"
"Dear God!" He pulled her roughly into his arms. "You are everything to me, Jehanne. Everything. But it will take time to grow out of this." He held her close, closer, knowing he must almost be suffocating her. "Let us give ourselves the time," he whispered into her hair.
She pulled back enough to look up at him. "As long as the fates will give us."
She meant, as long as the worlds - the community, the bishop, the king - would give them. As if speaking for the world, the horn sounded to announce the meal, and he had to let her go, had to take her hand and lead her out to preside at the castle meal.
Everyone was there except the guards on watch and a few servants needed elsewhere. At the raised head table sat Raoul; Aline; Matthew, the steward; and Brother Cyril, the scribe. Galeran and Jehanne took their places in the central chairs. It was all as it had been for most of their married life.
The rest of the household sat at tables running down the sides of the hall, Galeran's knights closest, with Jehanne's ladies mixed among them.
Beyond, the upper servants of the castle were placed - the falconer, the head stable groom, the mistress of the looms, and the smith.
Lower still were the other servants and the men-at arms.
The kitchen varlets entered with jugs, bowls, and platters, presenting the food first to the head table.
Galeran courteously chose good pieces and placed them on Jehanne's trencher. She smiled her thanks and did the same for him. He couldn't help thinking, though, that this would have gone somewhat better if she'd not stirred his jealousy of Lowick. Lowick and Jehanne ate at him like a canker. He wouldn't experience any true peace or happiness until he came to terms with it.
Thus far, he had discovered that Jehanne had seduced Lowick because she hated God. To many people that might seem insanity, but he understood her enough to see that she might have thought that way. Jehanne had a very human picture of God. For her, He was a person to be admired in