Aline and I took two of their horses and we all rode here. Forthred will come after us, though. I've been racking my brain to think where we could go next." She stared at him. "Galeran, no one can oppose the Church! What are we to do?"
"This far north, it's amazing what a person can do."
"Not for long. And Flambard has the power of the Crown in his fist as well! Oh, I am weak in these matters! Too weak to do as I should."
A thousand sharp suspicions cut at him. "What do you mean?"
He thought she wouldn't answer, but then her eyes slid past him to rest on the wall. "When I found I was with child," she whispered, "I resolved to do away with it. I saw then what tangles it could weave around us. I ... even prepared the herbs." Her gaze skittered over him and down to her child. A tear fell to splash in the babe's hair. "I could not take them."
"It would have been a sin," he said gruffly. "Adding one sin to another cannot create good."
"But think what could have been. ..."
"You could have concealed your adultery, you mean?"
"No!" she protested, looking up. "I mean we could have avoided this bitter taste to your return. Not by concealing my stupidity, but by not having such public ignominy, and not having a child to confuse matters. I would have told you. I have never lied to you, Galeran, even by omission."
He was taken aback by that "Perhaps I would rather you lied to me about such a thing."
She frowned, clearly disapproving of such a weak thought, and he was tempted to laugh at the strange twists and turns of their relationship these days. Just then, however, the child fell asleep and slipped off the nipple.
Jehanne rearranged her clothes and rose to pat the babe on the back. With a little bubbly burp, Donata smiled as if she had sweet dreams.
Ah, to be so innocent again.
He held out his arms. "I would like to hold her again."
She looked at him with a slight frown that reminded him of Aline. "
Jehanne, if you even imply that I will hurt her, I will be grievously hurt."
She hastily put the child in his hands. "I implied nothing! It's just that she's wet."
Galeran realized that was true. Wet, and smelly as a dye yard. With a rueful smile he passed the babe back. "You can see that I'm a very inexperienced parent. Well have to stop reading the worst into each other's every act."
Flashing him a very startled look, she said, "That won't be hard for me."
She laid the baby on a cloth on the floor to change it He watched in fascination as she removed the wet clothes from the tiny body, marveling at the fragile yet perfect limbs. Donata didn't wake, and was soon dry again and wrapped in a secure bundle. Then Jehanne laid her in the cradle.
"I wonder often," she said softly, "why this happened to us. To you in particular . . ."
"If God had given us a child in the early years of our marriage, our lives would have been different. Perhaps it is God's will."
"Not at all," said Jehanne sharply. "It is all the result of my willfulness and pride, and it is I alone who should suffer for it"
"But not by giving up the child?" he asked dryly, taking a seat by the cradle. The tiny mite fascinated him.
Jehanne's hands flexed in a sudden, desperate movement. "If Brother Forthred had brought a wet nurse, even . . . Babes do not thrive on pap, Galeran!"
"So, if Brother Forthred had brought a wet nurse, you would have handed Donata over without protest?"
She turned away, and after a moment put her hands to her face. "No. No, I wouldn't. I try, Galeran, but I cannot be meek and mild!"
Galeran laughed. "Nor do I want you to be. But don't start lying to yourself, Jehanne. Since we are not willing to give Donata to the wolves, we had best put our minds to handling all our problems, hadn't we?"
The babe stirred, perhaps because of her mother's raised voice. Galeran put out a foot and rocked the cradle, and in a moment Donata settled back to sleep.
Jehanne had turned and was staring at him as if he were a puzzle. "How can you just accept her? How can you just accept everything?"
He met her eyes. "How can I not? Do you want to be whipped?