The Shattered Rose Page 0,14

truth. He wanted children, yes, particularly a son, but not above all else. More than any child, he wanted his bold, strong, clever wife back.

And every month, she wept.

He held her close one day when her bleeding had started, rocking her. "It doesn't matter, dearling. It doesn't matter. Will already has two sons. Little Gil can have Heywood."

"I want a child." It was said fiercely, not piteously.

"Then we can find a child for you to raise. A daughter."

She pushed away from him. "I want a child in me, you stupid man! It's a hunger. I can't bear it!"

"It's God's will, Jehanne."

"Then God's will must be changed."

And being Jehanne, she assaulted heaven as if it were a fortress, firing endowments and gold crucifixes, dispatching battalions of litanies and masses. And every month the bleeding announced failure and she huddled alone in her misery.

Or hit out. The castle people learned to walk carefully around her, and it was at such a time that she'd broken the rose. He'd not asked whether it had been a complete accident or a blind act of rage, just comforted her, then done his best to put the pieces together again.

But the pieces of their life wouldn't go back together. In fact, matters just grew worse.

A priest told her that a woman's sexual excitement killed the seed, and so the only lovemaking she would accept was brief and without attention to her needs. At his slightest caress she would seize his hand and say, "No.

Not until there is a child."

Since he did not believe there ever would be a child, it seemed they were trapped like flies in a spiderweb of frustration.

The first call to liberate the shrines of the Holy Land had come and gone before matters reached this dire state. Galeran hardly noticed, for the venture hadn't found much favor in King William Rufus's England. Rufus dismissed most priestly matters out of hand and had no intention of encouraging his best fighting men to travel to Outremer.

Late the next year, however, news began to trickle back of successes. It seemed the Christian armies would actually reach the Holy City and liberate it, and some men planned to take ship direct to Palestine. They could be there in a few months and with luck take part in the great battle.

Galeran was too involved with personal matters to be entranced by that adventure until Jehanne urged it. Yet another helpful priest - this time a wandering preacher trying to stir interest in the crusade - had suggested that such noble service might be the weapon to breach the walls.

"It hardly seems the way to get with child," Galeran pointed out, "for us to separate for years."

Instead of arguing, Jehanne turned away. "I thought you might be relieved to go."

"Why would you think that?"

"I know I've become a misery, that I've been demanding - "

"You can't imagine that I mind your demands."

She turned to look him straight in the eye. "Can't I?"

He sighed. "It's not the frequency I mind, Jehanne, but the desperation.

When did we last laugh as we loved?"

"I think I've forgotten how."

He wanted to suggest that she relearn, that they forget about children, but he might as well suggest she forget to breathe. "So you think God wants my sword in Jerusalem."

He couldn't make himself sound enthusiastic, for though he enjoyed martial exercises, he'd never found pleasure in killing. He'd often given thanks for living in quite peaceful times.

She touched him then, lightly on his arm. "I don't like the thought either.

Asking you to leave, Galeran, is like cutting off my hand."

And thus it showed the depth of her need. He took her in his arms. "It surely is a noble service to make the holy places safe for pilgrims. All Christians should lend their strength. But we cannot assume that God will repay us as we wish."

"He should, for it will be a horrible sacrifice." She looked up at him, and it was almost like the old Jehanne again, the one who had picked up his sword to face a boar. "If this doesn't work, Galeran, I'm going to convert to Mahomet's religion!"

He laughed, but he suspected it wasn't far from the truth. If the God of the Infidels promised Jehanne a child, she would kneel to Him.

* * * * * They traveled to London to join the other Crusaders, escorted by Lord William and Jehanne's uncle, Hubert of Burstock. Hubert's second son, Hugh, also intended to take the cross, but solely out of