Shattered Rose (Winsor Series) - By T L Gray Page 0,67
asked, trying to sound natural. He gave me a confused look and then went over to sit on the lip love seat, running his hands back and forth over the upholstery.
“Let me guess…Issy?” he asked with grin. He was trying so hard to lighten the mood, and each time he did, I felt more horrible. It was like there was a chasm between us that I couldn’t cross, and suddenly the guilt of Jake started to overwhelm me. I stood in the kitchen, not saying anything, and he got up again to walk over to me.
“Avery, what’s going on?” he asked, careful this time not to touch me.
“Nothing, I’m just tired,” I lied. “It was a rough couple of days, and I’m really not up for doing anything tonight.” His proximity to me made me sad. The comfort and closeness I’d always felt with him wasn’t there. Tears threatened my eyes, and I walked away again to my bedroom. I heard Parker sigh and then footsteps behind me. I didn’t know why he wouldn’t just leave.
“Ok, so you are starting to worry me. Did something happen last night after we got off the phone?” His voice was full of concern, and he took my arms in his hands again, firmer this time so he could turn me around to face him. “You can talk to me.”
I looked down at my feet, unable to look him in the eyes. He was so good, and I knew I had to tell him, even if the consequences meant I’d lose him. I moved out of his arms again and sat on the bed, still fidgeting.
“Parker, I don’t know what we are to each other, and because of that, I don’t know what’s ok and what’s not ok.” I took a pause, knowing I wasn’t making any sense. “I wasn’t totally honest with you when I told you I spent Thanksgiving with Issy.”
“How so?” he asked, pulling up my desk chair so he could look me in the eye.
“I didn’t just spend Thanksgiving with Issy. I also spent it with Jake.” The words came out just louder than a whisper, and I looked down at my feet not wanting to see his reaction. He stood up and walked across the room. His stride was rigid, and I watched as his hand began to rub the back of his neck.
“So you two are back together,” he said flatly.
I stood up quickly, “No, we’re not. It’s not like that at all.” I paused again, knowing I had to tell him, but not wanting to. “But, we kissed…and I’ve felt so guilty about it, I just didn’t know how to be around you.” I didn’t know why, but it was like the minute I told him, the chasm closed. I felt his comfort again, even with his back to me, and wanted more than anything to touch him and somehow convey to him what I was feeling.
“Anything else?” he asked, turning to look at me. He was visibly hurt, which stabbed at my heart more than I expected it to. I wanted to say no, to end the conversation, but I knew I had to tell him the rest.
“We slept in the same bed…but nothing happened.”
I watched as he ran his hands over his eyes and then behind his neck as though he was trying to relieve the tension he was feeling. I wanted to make it better—to take it away somehow.
“I’m sorry Parker. I didn’t plan on it. I didn’t even really want to…it was like a freight train that once it got started, I couldn’t seem to slow it down.” I knew I was trying to justify my actions, to make them less offensive, but nothing I could say would do that.
“Then why did you?” His question was direct, honest and I didn’t know how to answer it.
“I don’t know,” I said, frustrated. “I still care about him. I don’t want to, but I do. But we’re not back together, nor are we ever getting back together. It was just a slip.” I looked him right in the eyes, wanting to get back to that place where he would hold my hand and make the entire world seem possible. “I’m really sorry.”
It was as if my words healed the wound, because he walked right over to me and hugged me so tightly I wanted to cry. I had missed him, and didn’t even realize how much until that moment. He released me and cupped my