Shattered Rose (Winsor Series) - By T L Gray Page 0,27

and Aaron again, but as much as I tried to feel better, I couldn’t. Even Aaron’s crude comments and “accidental” grazes did nothing to improve my mood.

I looked over at the table where Jake was sitting, but they were gone, and so was my resolve. I pretended that I was so drunk, I had to get home before I got sick, begging Issy to leave. I doubt she bought it, but to her credit, she took me home anyway. Turns out, Issy was a pretty good friend after all.

The shower did little to drown my tears as I tried to scrub my body clean of the disgust I felt for it. Nothing helped. I closed my eyes. I knew what would help…I just didn’t want to do it. I had been making it months without an episode…now it was barely weeks.

After the last time, I realized that I had to be more careful with a shared kitchen. I had bought food just in case and hid it in my closet. Until this moment, I had forgotten it was there. Two weeks of binging on Jake had cured me of any desire to binge on food, but Jake was an illusion. He was like two sides of a coin, and with each flip, you didn’t know which you would get. I locked my door, turned on some music and pulled the box down from the closet. I wanted things to make sense, to match the expectations I had for them. I couldn’t control Jake or his feelings for me, but this…this…I could control. Or at least that’s what I told myself when I took the first bite.

My depression felt even more constricting when I woke up Friday morning. Class was definitely not happening. I’d just get the notes later. My head was throbbing from the dehydration I knew I was facing after last night’s ordeal.

I checked my bathroom again to make sure all the evidence was gone and re-hid the food and wrappers in my closet. I knew I needed some healthy coping this morning and resolved to go on a run as soon as my headache died down.

Issy was in the kitchen making her hangover juice and looked up at me when I walked in. “Wow, you look better then I expected,” she said surprised.

“What do you mean?”

“I heard you yakking all night. I almost came in to check on you. I really didn’t think you were telling the truth when you said you didn’t feel well, but wow, was I wrong. Girl, you are a light weight!”

I was frozen in time…she had heard me. My need to protect myself took over every instinct in my body, and I was able to lie to her without any of my usual constraints.

“I know. I’ve never been so sick. What was in those shots?” I paused for dramatic effect and sat down. “There’s no way. Had to be something I ate yesterday.”

“Well, whatever it was…I don’t want it. So take your juice and go on your crazy run, and don’t come back until you can promise I won’t be doing the same thing tomorrow night!” I looked at Issy as she disappeared and thought, Don’t worry, someone like you will never have to do what I did last night. She had it all.

After several glasses of water and Issy’s famous hangover juice (I really had to get that recipe), I felt good enough to go on a long run. Danny and Aaron were just pulling up when I started running. They honked at me and I stopped by the car, leaning into their opened window.

“You feeling better?” Danny asked looking concerned.

I could feel my face burning as I lied again. “Yes, I guess I just ate something that didn’t settle in my stomach. So, did you have fun last night?” I asked, wanting to change the subject. Issy had been very attentive to him all night.

“Why? Did she say anything?” Danny pressed, unable to hide the smile on his face.

I held in a laugh and immediately felt guilty remembering Issy’s words. Maybe I shouldn’t have pushed Danny on her. “Sorry Danny, but if it makes you feel any better, Issy never talks about guys.”

He looked disappointed and Aaron leaned over him to look at me. “How far you running today?”

“As far as it takes to clear my head,” I answered honestly before I could stop myself. “I’ll catch you guys later.”

I took the route around the campus lake and just did an