Shattered Rose (Winsor Series) - By T L Gray Page 0,111
something fast or my resolve would be gone. I was hurting him and it broke my heart.
“I’m just no good for you, Parker. How do you not see that?” I asked as I grabbed at the necklace he bought me. “See this, I don’t even deserve it. I threw up the night of Issy’s accident and never told you. I’m a fraud, Parker, while you’re…well, you’re perfect.” I could feel my voice getting louder as I spoke and tried to quiet myself when I saw others around us start to take notice.
Parker pulled me to him again, despite my attempts to push him away. “I’m not perfect, Avery, although I’m flattered you think so. So you made a mistake, who cares, all you can do is move on and learn from it. I’m not going to judge you for it.”
“But you will,” I whispered. “Maybe not today, but one day you are going to see just how flawed and damaged I really am. When that happens, you aren’t going to look at me like this anymore…and you are going to regret that you ever did.”
Parker flinched as if I had stunned him and then looked at me skeptically. “Where is this coming from? It doesn’t sound like you at all.”
I didn’t answer, but continued to look at him sadly. He sighed and then started talking again, “Sweetheart, I already see you, and I love everything about you. What I can’t figure out is why you can’t accept this from me.”
“Because it doesn’t make sense…” I whispered, my voice trailing off. “There’s nothing here worth loving,” I finally admitted, exposing all my insecurity to him.
He pulled me to himself, shaking his head the whole time. He began to kiss my forehead and moved on to kiss both my cheeks and finally my lips before sternly saying, “I don’t ever want to hear you say that again. And a pause is out of the question. You’re not getting rid of me without a fight.” He held me tighter and I stopped fighting him, allowing myself to return his hold. I was so selfish and weak. I knew I needed to release him, to let him have a life free of me and my self-destructive behavior, but I just couldn’t do it.
Finally, he stood up and pulled me up with him. We grabbed our things and started walking toward the library.
“I don’t want to study there today. I just don’t feel like it. Could we study at your place and then just hang out for a while?” I asked giving him a pleading look. I would have offered mine, but I was not taking any chances with Jake still having a key.
“Sure,” he said laughing, but I could tell there was still sadness in his eyes. Our talk had affected him more than I thought it would, and it became more and more apparent as the night went on. He seemed more affectionate than usual, which was hard to be for Parker and kept his hand on me at all times. He seemed to be reassuring himself I was still there. The most distance we got was when we were studying. I had convinced him to let us go to his room since his roommate, Randy, was watching TV, and I couldn’t concentrate.
I had sat on his bed with my study system fully set up and he was shuffling papers on his desk. I finished all my work in forty-five minutes and just lingered there smiling as I watched him try to be quiet and concentrate. He looked especially handsome tonight, and I couldn’t help but watch as his muscles tensed through his t-shirt. Without thinking I walked over to him and rubbed the back of his head as I sat on his lap facing him. I started kissing him before he could protest, and it didn’t take much before he reciprocated with all the emotion we had both felt earlier in the day.
I slid my sweatshirt off which left only my tank top underneath. I wasn’t wearing a bra, and the impact on Parker was even more significant than I thought it would be. He started kissing my neck and even moved down to the neckline of my tank. I felt him tense as he whispered, “Avery, we can’t...”
“Shhh, just a little longer,” I pleaded taking his mouth in mine again. I needed this tonight, needed this closeness to help make sense of everything I was feeling.