Miranda sat on the bed, watching him out of eyes that saw too clearly, knew him too well. Finally she spoke. “Then I don’t see what you’re so damned terrified of. If she can’t get pregnant she can’t die, and you don’t have to worry about losing her. It’s all right to love her.”
“But I…” His voice trailed off as her words sank in. Melisande wouldn’t die. It didn’t matter if he made the mistake of loving her—she was barren. The rigors of childbirth wouldn’t rip her away. He looked into Miranda’s sympathetic eyes. “You think you know me so well,” he said sourly.
“I do. I’ve known you all my life. You try to pretend you don’t care about things, but inside you’re like a nice warm bowl of porridge.”
He looked at her with profound dislike. “Your pregnancy won’t keep me from kicking you out on the street if you continue with such asinine similes.”
She didn’t look worried. “Lucien will let us know the moment he gets word. I think you need to tell me about her. Why wouldn’t she have you if you were the last man on earth?”
The damnable thing about erections was that it took forever for them to subside, even when faced with the most daunting of circumstances, and he couldn’t very well get up and walk away without embarrassing them both. No, that was probably not true. Nothing could embarrass his wretched younger sister. “She has no particular need for men. In fact, she had decided to live a life of celibacy, devoted to good works.”
Miranda shuddered. “She doesn’t sound much better than Dorothea. What is this current mania of yours for joyless women?”
“She’s not a joyless woman,” he snarled. “She just doesn’t see the need for the opposite sex. Her life was carefully arranged, her efforts going toward rescuing fallen women and soiled doves, and it gave her satisfaction and yes, joy.”
“And you changed her mind?”
He looked away. “I was a damnable fool. Though I must say in my defense that it wasn’t strictly my fault. She wanted my assistance in stopping the Heavenly Host, and she knew that Brandon was a part of them.”
“Then I like her already. So what happened next?”
“We made discoveries. We found they were meeting at Kersley Hall, and we discovered several of the current membership, though we still have no idea who their mysterious leader is. The one who’s pushing everyone in such a sordid direction.”
“That’s something good, at least. So what went wrong?”
There was no way in hell he was going to tell her. “None of your business.”
“Did you seduce her?” She looked at him closely. “Of course you did. Oh, Benedick, how could you be so cruel! If the woman really wanted nothing to do with getting married again you should have let her be. Unless you really have fallen desperately in love with her.”
“I most certainly have not! And I certainly didn’t intend…that is, I wasn’t going to…” He floundered, then stopped, glaring at her. “I’m not going to discuss this with you.”
“You botched it? I’m astonished. I used to hear the maids and the local girls whispering about you, and you were accounted to be a most accomplished lover. Annis used to tell me you…”
“Oh, God,” he said weakly. “This is completely inappropriate.”
“When have I ever been appropriate?” She grinned. “So you botched the job, she ran away screaming in horror and you’re not brave enough to try again. Have I got that right?”
“As usual you’re completely wrong. I didn’t, as you so delicately put it, ‘botch the job.’ I was, however, less than…less than kind the next morning. The relationship is quite impossible, and I managed to make that perfectly clear.”
“Oh, God, Neddie, your poisonous tongue,”
Miranda said with a groan. “You could flay a person alive. Were you so afraid of loving her that you had to hurt her?”
He was silenced. She really did know him far too well, better than he knew himself. He closed his eyes, unable to bear the simple truth.
The silence lengthened. And then he heard her slide off the bed, cross the floor and take his unwilling hand in hers. “I’d sit beside you on the floor, the way I used to when I was young,” she said softly, “but I’d have trouble getting up again. Oh, Neddie, you’ve made such a mess of things.”
“Yes,” he said, not bothering to deny it.
“You can fix this.” She gave his arm a little shake. “But first