gently, although he was still pissed off, though he couldn’t have said whether it was at her or at himself.
“Aunt Mea told me about it.”
“Is that why you’ve been nibbling on my ears at night?”
“Kylar!” she said.
“Is it?”
“Aunt Mea said it works wonders.” Elene couldn’t meet his gaze; she was totally mortified.
“Well maybe for these twists!”
“Kylar!” Elene raised her eyebrows, as if to say, We are in the middle of a crowded market, would you shut up?
He looked around. He’d never seen so many earrings in his life. How hadn’t he noticed it before? And he was right, almost every one of them was gold and everyone wore their hair in ways that left their ears exposed.
“I’ve seen that girl before,” Kylar said.
“Capricia?”
“I was out the other night and some hoodlums were coming to hurt her. Before, I would have killed them. Instead, I scared them.”
She looked uncertain why he was telling her this now. “Well, that’s great. You see? Violence doesn’t solve—”
“Honey, one of them was the Shinga. I made a vengeful man wet himself in front of his subordinates. Violence was the only solution. That girl’s in deeper trouble now than before I helped her.” He swore under his breath. “Why’d you even you take me in there? We don’t even have enough to buy Uly a birthday present. How would we afford those?”
“I’m sorry, all right?” Elene said. “I just wanted to see what it was like.”
“It’s the sword, isn’t it? You still want me to sell the sword.”
“Quit it! I haven’t said anything about the sword. I’m sorry. I thought you might be interested. I’m not asking you to buy me anything.” She wasn’t looking at him now, and she certainly wasn’t holding his hand. Well, that was better than tears. Wasn’t it?
He walked beside her for a while as she pretended to browse through the open air shops, picking up produce, examining cloth, looking at dolls they couldn’t afford.
“So,” he said finally. “Since we’re already fighting . . .”
She turned and looked up at him, not laughing. “I don’t want to talk about sex, Kylar.”
He raised his hands in mock surrender. Still trying to be funny. Still failing.
“Kylar, do you remember how it feels to kill?”
He didn’t have to think back that far. It was triumphant, the terrible pleasure of mastery, followed by desolation, a sick hollowness in his chest, knowing that even a hardened criminal might have changed and now would never have that chance. Did she understand part of him loved it?
“Honey, we all only have so much time and so many gifts. You have more gifts than most, and I know you want to do good. I know you’re passionate about that, and I love that about you. But look what happens when you try to save the world with a sword. Your master tried, and look what a bitter, sad old man he became. I don’t want see that happen to you. I know that after the wealth you had and the things you did that being an apothecary seems like a small ambition. It’s not small, Kylar. It’s huge. You can do so much more good for the world by being a good father, and a good husband, and a healer, than you ever could by being a killer. Do you think it’s a mistake the God has given you an ability to heal? That’s the divine economy. He is willing to cover over what we’ve destroyed with new and beautiful things.
“Like us. Who’d have imagined that you and I could get safely off the streets and find each other again? Who would have imagined we could adopt Uly? She’s got a chance now—after being born to an assassin and a madam. Only the God could do that, Kylar. I know you don’t believe in him yet, but his hand is at work here. He’s given us this chance, and I want to hold onto it. Stay with me. Leave that life. You weren’t happy there. Why would you want to go back?”
“I don’t,” he said. But it was only half true. Elene came into his arms, but even as he held her, he knew he was false.
21
In the early afternoon heat, Kylar paused outside a shop in the nobles’ district. He stepped into an alley and thirty seconds later thought that he was wearing a fair facsimile of Baron Kirof’s face. He wished he’d thought to change into a nicer tunic. Of course, after the fire, he only had