The Shadows (Black Dagger Brotherhood #13) - J. R. Ward Page 0,86

staring at those windows that showed nothing of the day outside, not whether it was cloudy or sunny, or whether it was rainy, or if there was a wind whisking the autumn leaves along brown grass.

“Trez?” she prompted.

“Sorry.” He shook himself. “Sorry, I got lost there for a second.”

He pivoted in his chair, putting his feet in the rungs under the seat she was in. Then he took her hand, the one that didn’t have the spoon, and he smoothed it flat against his palm.

“You have the most beautiful hands I have ever seen,” he murmured.

She laughed. “I suspect you’re biased, but I’ll take the compliment.”

He frowned, his brows going tight. “I can imagine how…” He did a long, slow inhale, exhale. “I can think of nothing more terrifying in the world than being locked in a place that you can’t get out of—and to have your prison be your own body? That’s inconceivable. That’s a terrifying head fuck.”

“Yes.”

There was a long period of silence at that point, where he sat in front of his cooling bowl without touching the stuff, and she played with her oatmeal, making little S’s with the tip of her spoon.

The argument they were having played out in the air between them, his please-go-for-your-own-good’s at war with her not-until-I-absolutely-have-to’s. There was no reason to actually say the words. She wasn’t going to budge. And that meant his only option was to throw her over his shoulder and caveman her down to the training center.

Finally, Selena couldn’t stand it, and had to change the subject.

“I sometimes wonder…” She shrugged. “I mean, what if everyone’s lied about death? What if there is no Fade, but instead you’re just stuck in your body forever, conscious but unable to move?”

Great. She’d wanted to try to lighten the mood.

Nice. Try.

“Well, bodies do…” He cleared his throat. “You know, rot.”

“Hmm, good point.”

“Although, as afterlife nightmares go, for me? I worry about the whole zombie-apocalypse thing.” He picked up his spoon and started to eat, still holding on to her free hand. “That would suck. You kick it and then you roam the earth, stinking up the place on an Atkins diet that, like, never ends.”

She put up her spoon to stop him. “Well, now, hold on a minute—see, you’d just be hungry, right? And if you found people to eat, then, you know, life is pretty good if you’re a zombie.”

“Not if the lower half of your face drops off. Without a jaw, how do you feed yourself? Then you’re just hungry and you can’t do anything about it. Total suckage.”

“Straws.”

“What?”

“You just need straws.”

“Hard to fit a femur through a straw.”

“And a blender. Straws and a blender. Then you’re set.”

With bark of sound, Trez threw his head back and laughed so hard, it was a wonder he didn’t wake half the mansion up.

“Oh, my God, that is so sick.” He leaned in and kissed her. “So fucking sick.”

Suddenly, she was smiling, too—so hard her cheeks hurt. “Totally sick. Is this what they call gallows humor?”

“Yup. Especially if we keep riffin’.” Trez grew serious. “And okay, so you don’t go.”

“What? To the gallows? That is a relief.”

“Down to see Jane. If you don’t want to go, I’m not going to make you.”

Selena exhaled in a rush. “Thank you. I really appreciate that.”

“Don’t thank me. It’s not my call. It’s yours.” He ran his spoon around the inside of his bowl. “I think it’s important that you have as much say as possible in any and every part of your life, especially the disease and the way it’s managed. I’m guessing you feel like you have no choice about so much of this … fate … that’s come to you, and that makes the opportunities to call the shots especially important.” He glanced over at her. “I may have an opinion, and you can bet your ass I’ll tell you what it is, but the last thing I want you to feel is pressure from me. You’ve got enough penning you in already. I’m not going to add to that.”

“How do you know … God, it’s like you know exactly what I’m thinking.”

He shrugged and his eyes got a faraway look in them. Then he tapped the side of his head. “Good guess.” He refocused on her. “So, the question is, where do you want to go?”

“Excuse me?”

“Where do you want to go? The clinic is not on the list … what is?”

Selena sat back in her chair. Now she was the one