The Shadows (Black Dagger Brotherhood #13) - J. R. Ward Page 0,229

the barrel and down the other. “If I don’t … come home, though.”

He stopped there. She was going to know the question he was asking. He’d given her enough to go on.

“I’ll find you,” she choked out. “I’ll find you somehow.”

He nodded—and thought he probably should go over to her, but he couldn’t handle the closeness. As it was, he was on the thin edge of falling apart, and with a flat-out war waiting for him at nightfall, he just couldn’t afford the emotion.

“I simply can’t bear the thought of you getting hurt,” she said as she blew her nose with a tissue and blotted at her eyes. “That bothers me almost more than the dying.”

Well, yeah, because they had been granted that miracle—which would pay dividends when death tried to separate them.

He thought of Trez and wanted to vomit.

God … the sight of that male mounting that fucking funeral pyre was a tattoo on his brain.

Abruptly, he dropped his gun and his cloth to his knees. “I’m a horrible person. I’m a really horrible fucking asshole.”

Across the way, Mary sniffled again. “What are you talking about?”

He forced himself to resume cleaning, mostly because if he looked her in the eye, he wasn’t going to say it.

Hell, maybe he shouldn’t say it—although he never could keep things from her.

“I, ah … I hated what Trez and Selena went through. The same with Tohr.”

From out of nowhere, he remembered sitting in Manny’s fancy-ass clinical RV and demanding that the doctor save the Chosen.

Like if he just ordered the guy to find a cure it would happen.

Then he had a snapshot of Layla, bundled up outside as the flames had roared into the sky. Pregnant Layla, who was carrying Qhuinn’s twins, for fuck’s sake.

Who had looked as if she were going to expire from the mourning of her sister’s passing—to the point where Rhage wasn’t the only one worried about her pregnancy, her life, the young.

“I’m an asshole,” he whispered.

“Talk to me, Rhage.”

“I’m glad that wasn’t us,” he choked out. “As much as I love all of them, and I mourn with them … I’m so fucking glad I didn’t lose you…”

Tears came to his eyes.

And his shellan came over to him.

As she took his gun and put it aside, and then wrapped her arms around him, murmuring support into his ear, he felt even worse.

It just reminded him of what Trez was never going to have again—

Boom! Boom! Boom!

“Rhage,” V barked from out in the hall. “Trez turned himself in.”

Rhage straightened up and scraped his tears away. “What?”

Moving Mary out of the way, he jumped across to the door and ripped it open. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“You heard me—meeting in Wrath’s. Now.”

As the Brother went to run off, Rhage grabbed V’s arm. “Are you sure?”

“The call just came in from the s’Hisbe.”

“Does iAm know?”

That stopped the Brother, and he looked up to the ceiling. “Shit.”

“Are you sure Trez isn’t in the house?”

“No, he’s gone. I checked the security camera feeds. He left his cell phone on the stone steps and disappeared about an hour ago.”

“Holy … shit. Okay, all right…” Except he wasn’t sure if that was true. Maybe there was no war … but what about the Shadows?

Their two Shadows?

“Let me go up and tell iAm,” he heard himself say as he glanced back at Mary.

“Do you want me to come with you?” she said.

“Yeah, I do.”

iAm came awake to two pairs of shoes at eye level. One was a set of shitkickers, big as recliners. The others were Coach sneakers, with the logo in gray and black, and Velcro straps instead of laces.

As he lifted his head, he looked up at Rhage and Mary. “What time is it?”

Mary knelt down, and that was his first clue that whatever message they were delivering was bad, bad news.

Rhage was the one who spoke up, though, “iAm … we got reason to believe your brother has turned himself in.”

The words filtered through his mind on a series of clunks and mis-hits, the combination of nouns and verbs and other things making no sense.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?”

As he sat up, the bottle he’d been nursing rolled away, knocking into Rhage’s boots.

“We received word from the Territory that the Queen is no longer going to attack because Trez has voluntarily returned to the s’Hisbe—”

“Jesus Christ!”

Jumping to his feet, he shoved through the pair of them and burst into his brother’s room. The bed was messy, and the closet doors