The Shadows (Black Dagger Brotherhood #13) - J. R. Ward Page 0,213

them. Nurtured them.

“Go,” she snapped.

With a curse, s’Ex turned and walked off. When he reached the slider, he muttered, “You have no idea what you’re dealing with, iAm. Have fun.”

Stepping out, he closed the door. And stayed exactly where she had ordered him to remain.

Closing her eyes, she tried to find the right words. She hadn’t slept at all during the day, but had wrestled with her conscience for hours. And when she had come here earlier, she had been resolved: She was totally and completely in love with iAm.

And knew that it had been a terrible mistake to take things as far as she had.

It was time to tell him … before he touched her. After that, she would likely to be too lost once again.

Clearing her throat, she said, “I am—”

“Actually,” iAm interrupted, “don’t bother. That little act you just pulled with him is as much explanation as I need.” He broke off and began to pace, dragging his hands over his head. “What the fuck were you thinking—”

“I did not mean for this to happen.”

“Oh, come on, Princess, like you slipped and fell on my dick? We both know that’s not what went down.”

She frowned. “I do not quite understand that phrase, but given your tone, I must ask whether such crudeness is required—”

“Are you kidding me?” He threw his hands up. “You’re betrothed. To my brother. And not only did you lie to me, you fucked me!”

Catra crossed her arms and glared at him. “Perhaps you would like to rephrase that to reflect the truth.”

“So you’re delusional as well as a liar? Great. Fabulous. What exactly are you disputing? Your lying or our fucking?”

“If I remember correctly, you were hardly taken advantage of by me. And that’s what you’re making it sound like.” She jutted forward on her hips. “Indeed, I recall exactly how your voice sounded in my ear as you said my name.”

He recoiled. Blinked a couple of times. Then he leaned in as well. “But that wasn’t your name, was it. As far as I knew, I was laying with a maid, not the heir to the goddamn throne!”

“You were laying with me!” She struck her own chest. “I’m who you were with!”

“Bullshit! You don’t think for a fucking moment that I would have made different choices if I’d known who you really were? Or are you so fucking selfish and stuck-up, Your Serene Highness, that you can’t comprehend or care, for even a minute and a half, that there are repercussions when you lie about your identity and lose your virginity to the wrong fucking brother!”

“I didn’t mean for it to go as far as it did!”

“That I believe,” he countered grimly.

“iAm—”

“No.” He put out both his palms. “Just—no. I’m not going to rehash this bullshit with you. I don’t have the time or the interest.”

“I was going to tell you. I know that I’ve put you in a horrible position—”

“My brother just lost his shellan,” he snapped. “That is a problem. She died in front of him, and he spent most of the day and some of the night preparing her body for a goddamn funeral pyre. Then he got to watch her burn until there was nothing left but ashes on the cold ground. That shit is real. But, wait, the fun and games ain’t over! To top it all off, I just learned that your mother, bitch that she is, is prepared to attack the only people who have ever tried to take care of me and Trez if he isn’t delivered like an overnight package on her doorstep tomorrow at midnight. All so that he can have the very dubious honor and privilege of getting mated to the likes of you.” As Catra gasped, he bit out, “So the fact that I had sex with you is so far down my list of priorities, it’s not even on my radar screen. You just aren’t that big a deal, Princess.”

She was not going to cry.

No, she was not.

Even though her chest was screaming in pain, she would not crumble in front of him. She had brought this upon them both—and beyond the private strife, it appeared that real dangers for her people were imminent.

“I wanted to live,” she heard herself say hoarsely. “For once, I wanted to live. And I was not going to get a second chance. You … you were the only opportunity I was going to get, and I was going to tell you tonight. I