The Shadows (Black Dagger Brotherhood #13) - J. R. Ward Page 0,155

not be.

iAm was careful to keep his distance as the last turn before the mansion approached, giving Trez time to get her inside. When he finally did pull into the courtyard, he went around the fountain and parked next to Rhage’s GTO.

Which wasn’t going to be out there much longer. The Brother always moved it into the garage during the winter months.

Manny’s Porsche was at the base of the stairs, its top up, its key no doubt making its way back to the doctor so he could bring it to the training center’s underground lot, too.

iAm shut the BMW off. Got out and locked it even though he didn’t need to.

And stalled out.

Staring up at the sky, he watched the breath leaving his mouth drift off and disappear. That image of Trez and Selena dancing was like a dog with its fangs in his gray matter, the memory refusing to budge—and not, he was ashamed to admit, because he was thinking of everything his brother was in danger of losing or because he was stressing about how to peel the sad bastard off the pavement when things came to a bad conclusion.

Instead, he was wondering …

Shit, he was wondering what that felt like. To hold a female close to your body. Have her scent in your nose and your hands on her shoulders, her waist, her hips. He wanted to know what it was like to turn her face up to yours and—

Okay, he needed to pull back from all that.

Because none of it was happening for him. Not now. Not in a half hour if he went to that cabin. Not in a week or a month or a year from now—

As if on cue, a cold breeze came barreling by. Like the universe wanted to underscore all the cold and lonely he had going on.

The sound of the vestibule’s outside door opening snapped him to attention. He liked Manny, but he didn’t need the guy coming out to play musical cars and finding him—

It wasn’t the good doctor.

Trez was coming out of the house. Jogging down the stone steps. Heading across the courtyard.

Shit.

iAm put his hand on his phone in case he needed to call … whoever the fuck. “Hey, is she all—”

He didn’t get the “right” out.

His brother wrapped him up in a bear hug. “Thank you so much for tonight.”

At first, iAm didn’t know how to respond. He and his brother weren’t huggers.

“I was so glad you were there. It meant everything to me.”

iAm had to clear his throat. “I, ah…”

Trez just squeezed harder.

Cautiously, iAm put his arms around Trez. The movement felt all weird, but when he finally embraced the guy in return, he felt his brother shudder.

I’m sorry, man, he said in his head. I don’t want any of this for you.

The cold wind continued to blow, and after a long moment, they stepped back.

Trez had ditched his jacket and he shoved his hands into the pockets of his slacks. “I got your text. I feel bad that I’ve just dumped everything on you.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not.”

“Trez, you need to be with her and take care of your female. That’s the most important thing. The rest of it is just conversation.”

Those dark eyes focused on something above iAm’s left shoulder. Or maybe whatever it was was above his ear.

“I seriously do not know why you’re out here wasting time with me,” iAm muttered.

“I want more for you than this.”

“I happen to like my job at Sal’s just fine.”

His brother’s stare locked on his. “That is not what I’m talking about, and you know it.”

iAm joined the club with the fist-in-the-pocket routine. “Enough with the talk. Go to your female.”

Trez was a hardheaded son of a bitch, capable of tremendous acts of hell-no. But iAm, as usual, got through to him.

The male turned around, but made it only halfway to the mansion’s entrance before he stopped and looked over his shoulder.

“Don’t waste all your life on me, okay.” Trez shook his head. “I’m not worth it, and you’re worth more than that.”

iAm rolled his eyes. “Stop thinking. Start walking again.”

“Ask yourself what’s going to be left for you after I’m gone. If you’re honest, I don’t think you’re going to like the answer any more than I do. And spare me the everything’s-gonna-be-fines. Neither one of us is that naive.”

“Why are you distracting yourself with this. Seriously, Trez.”

“It’s not a distraction. It’s the kind of shit that eats you alive when you love someone.”

On that note,