I stop, too, and walk over with careful steps. “What is it?”
Elle’s face pales. “She said she wants to see her Dad again.”
Her dead dad. Zoe wants to see her dead fucking dad.
Chapter Thirty
You’ve grown so much, petal.
I keep showing your pictures to my mates and telling them that my daughter will grow into a beauty. They mocked me and said that since you look nothing like me, you’re sure to become one.
Daddy loves you, baby girl. You’re the only reason why I come back home. I’m sorry I’m not there for you while you grow up.
Once I secure your future, I promise to be there more. Wait for me, petal.
Your Daddy,
Jason.
I hold the letter to my chest. All the other letters Dad sent me, and I never got them, lie on the grass in front of me. A strong wind hits my back and sends chaotic strands of hair into my eyes. I kneel at the back garden of Mrs Adler’s lake house. The first time I discovered we had this place in the neighbourhood was when Dad brought me here.
The house has a vast garden with thick rows of trees. I told Dad I liked it when we passed it by once. He must’ve asked for permission to bury the time capsule here.
My hands and nails are filled with dirt from so much digging. Even my jeans are smudged, but I finally got the rusted metallic box out. What’s inside is almost the same.
The letters’ paper turned yellowish, but the words remain in Dad’s messed up handwriting. There’s a small robot he bought me and I hid it here so Mum wouldn’t find it. Beside it rests a drawing I made at school. A little girl with two braids clutches her father’s hand, laughing from ear to ear with all her teeth visible. No mother is in the picture.
I was so happy when I came with Dad to Mrs Adler’s house to bury the time capsule. It was one of the fewest times Mum didn’t have an excuse to make Dad believe I didn’t want his company. She must’ve had too many pills that day.
“I’m so sorry, Daddy.”
Tears run down my cheeks as I rummage through the memories. This time capsule is all I have left of him. He was supposed to open this with me, but Mum took him away.
Just like she promised she would.
She was mentally and emotionally screwed up. However, I can’t help thinking that this is all my fault. If I didn’t hang on to Dad that day, maybe she wouldn’t have wanted to kill us. Maybe Dad and I could’ve had a few more years together.
Now I understand why I flipped the memories and made him the villain. It was easy to focus on avenging my mother than to live with the agonising guilt that I caused Dad’s death.
Why did Dad and I have to pay the price for her instability?
What if…
Panic grips me by the gut as I place a hand on my stomach. What if it’s hereditary and I’ll become insane like her? What if I hurt my child?
No. No.
I spring to my feet and almost fall over, shaking. I can’t become my mother.
Maybe I should abort the child before I hurt him afterwards.
The thought of killing my baby springs a sense of terror and helplessness.
There’s also therapy, but what if it’s not enough. What if whatever I do, I’ll become a crazy whacko who thinks she can take her child’s life at any time?
“Hey, babe.”
My muscles lock at the familiar voice coming from behind me. I shove the letters and the robot in the metallic box and close it before turning around.
Johnny half-leans against a tree, arms and ankles crossed. The leather jacket stretches over better-developed muscles than the last time I’ve seen him. It’s like he’s been working out heavily. A heinous smirk curves his lips, causing the scar to appear more gruesome.
This is the last place I expected to find Johnny in.
While he doesn’t scare me, he’s the malicious type, and I need to tread with him carefully. I adopt my most confident tone. “What are you doing here?”
“Followed you, babe. I was beginning to think you disappeared off the face of the earth until my contact spotted you in Le Salon.”
Dammit. Do Ghost and Shadow know they have a traitor?
Johnny is about the last person I need to be tangled with right now. My revenge against President Joe is pointless. His only sin is