he grabs his clothes, turns to the window and jumps down.
Chapter Twenty-Two
I didn’t sleep.
Couldn’t.
After Liam’s interruption last night, I curled into bed and stared at the window from where Shadow climbed down.
By morning, I’m sore and an emotional wreck. It takes everything in me to push away from the bed and take the longest shower in history. I stand under the scalding stream and stare at the grey tiles.
The thought that Shadow might never return twists my stomach. I wanted this, didn’t I? This is the perfect opportunity to escape him once and for all.
I softly hit my forehead against the tiles. Why did he come back into my life if he was never returning? Why did he make me feel alive after months of misery if he didn’t plan to hold on to me?
It’s for the best.
I tell myself as I step out of the shower and change into jeans and a baggy sweater. The slight bump is starting to show. I’m surprised Shadow didn’t notice it. At this point, it seems as if I’m gaining weight, but it’ll be on display soon enough. I’ll take all the time I can get before announcing the news to Liam and Elle.
My steps are slow and careful as I descend the stairs. Every move reminds me of how Shadow engraved himself inside me with each thrust.
Stop thinking about him.
I find Liam sitting at the kitchen table. A steaming aromatic coffee rests in front of him while he reads from a newspaper.
He still hasn’t caught the memo that newspapers are super old fashioned and he should switch to news apps.
As soon as I’m inside, he cocks his head towards the pot of coffee without breaking his concentration from what he’s reading.
I pour the rich-flavoured coffee into my mug and sit across from him. It’s only after my first sip that the world starts coming into focus.
Liam glances at me from above his newspaper. “You sure you’re okay after last night?”
I keep my gaze on the mug. “Yeah. Just a dream.”
“You mean a nightmare?”
“No. A dream.” The most pleasurable dream I’ve ever had. And now, I might never get that feeling again.
Liam folds his newspaper and places it beside his coffee. “I’m asked back at the station. You’re returning to London with me, right?”
I trace the rim of my mug with a forefinger. “I need more time.”
His brows furrow. “For what?”
“I just need time, Li.”
“You’ve been away for months.” He taps his index finger on the table, creating a maddening rhythm. “I don’t know what happened to you, but I can’t leave you alone in the middle of nowhere.”
“I can take care of myself. Didn’t you always teach us to protect ourselves because you can’t be there for us the entire time? Besides, I can’t return from the dead now. I’ll be arrested for my illegal undercover operation.”
And he’ll go down with me. There’s no way I’ll ruin his career.
He sighs in defeat as if he thought about this longer than I have. “So what? You intend to live here for the rest of your life?”
“No, but for now, I’m comfortable. It’s peaceful around here. No knife crimes or drug lords lurk between flowers.” I try a sense of humour, but Liam isn’t smiling. “Don’t worry about me and go back, Li. I know how much you’re antsy about not being in the field.”
The tapping on the table ceases. “You’ll call me if anything happens?”
I nod.
“You will call me even if nothing happens?”
I chuckle and do a salute. “Yes, sir.”
“Be careful and don’t do something stupid like Elle.”
I drink from my coffee so he doesn’t read my expression. Liam is so disappointed in Elle even more than when she decided to become an underground fighter.
Now that she’s with Ghost, a leader of a criminal organisation Liam has been chasing for years, things are bound to get messy. He was always that upright about law and order. For him, criminals like Ghost, Shadow, Mist, and Scar should only be locked away.
If I do something like Elle, Liam will have a field day with us.
Not that it matters anymore.
After he leaves, I go on about my daily chores. The flowers. The village. Mark and Lisbeth. Grocery shopping. The shelter. I keep myself as busy as possible to stop thinking.
But I just can’t.
I keep replaying last night. Shadow’s warmth and rare tenderness. How his eyes seemed clearer than at any time before. Perhaps Elle was right and he is detoxing.