afraid I will go to him if I go aboveground. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to be anything but what he wanted from me.
Elisabeta’s voice dripped with tears, although Julija knew she wasn’t shedding any. That wasn’t Elisabeta’s way. Tears had been beaten out of her, along with any fight.
You know you can’t go back to him. You detest him.
More than anything. With every breath I draw. I just don’t know how to live without him. Until I can figure that out, I am staying right where I am. He gave me everything, Julija. I did what he said and in return he would supply me with the blood I needed to live. He especially liked to take my blood, so he would bring me blood from others.
There was a moment of silence. Julija could feel Elisabeta gathering her thoughts, and those thoughts were distasteful to her.
I suspected he murdered those he used for blood. This time the sorrow was not only heard but felt.
Julija hesitated, searching for the right words. You know you couldn’t do anything to stop him, Elisabeta. You still can’t. Please don’t throw your freedom away. I know it’s terrifying but give yourself time. The Carpathians there can’t wait to help you. And you have a brother.
Everyone tells me that. I don’t remember much of my childhood, just bits and pieces, and I’m uncertain if they’re real or if Sergey planted those pieces in my head. This time there was reluctance. If my brother comes, he will expect things from me I can’t give him. I feel so afraid and alone. At least I was protected from everyone by Sergey.
Julija closed her eyes, her distress level rising. She had hoped Elisabeta was in safe hands, but her friend was hiding from everyone. That made Julija feel all the worse that she wasn’t there to shield her friend and help ease her into some kind of a life. But what? What was there for someone like Elisabeta? The modern world would never understand her. They would expect her to go to counseling and be “cured.” That was never going to happen. Centuries of abuse couldn’t be swept away. Hundreds of years of submission couldn’t suddenly turn her into a fiery, independent woman. Julija knew that and feared for her friend.
Small steps, Elisabeta. Remember? We talked about this. You can’t expect to be on your own right away, if ever. You have to depend on those people who reach out to you, the ones that feel right to you.
There was silence. Rejection. You didn’t.
Julija cursed the fact that she’d ever told so much about her life to Elisabeta. I don’t know how to make friends easily. I didn’t have anyone to rely on.
She was a direct descendant of the high mage and her parents had never allowed her to forget it. They hadn’t wanted her befriending anyone else, mage or otherwise. She’d studied every spell, practiced casting and creating illusions and whatever else her stepmother had insisted on her doing. There hadn’t been time to learn how to be friends, or to have a childhood one could look back on and laugh about. Her brothers had often viewed her as a rival, but treated her as a pathetic mage and more of a food source than anything else.
You’re afraid of your brothers.
My parents as well. Don’t forget them. They were all involved in what my brothers were doing. Breeding cats to make them shadow creatures. It was inhumane and wrong. The cats suffer. They need blood to survive just as you do, but unless they cooperate, they aren’t fed.
That’s exactly the way Sergey treated me. Some nights I went until I was too weak to see. He would get so angry, he would beat me with a cane or a whip. Then I wouldn’t be able to stand. He would come to me, treating me so gently I would be confused. So confused. Not understanding it was the same man.
My brothers did the same with the cats, conditioning them to return to them always after their orders were carried out.
Why are people so cruel?
I don’t know, Elisabeta. Money. Power. Just because they can be.
He said I would never survive without a master. He said he made certain of that and then he would laugh so cruelly. He’s right, though. I will never be able to survive alone.
No one has to be your master. He’s wrong about that. I’ll help you as soon as