Shadow Phantoms - H.P. Mallory Page 0,16

understand,” I said. “It’s not fair to keep you in the dark. I know that. It’s just... it’s a hard thing to talk about.”

“What happened?”

Here we go.

“When you were a baby, you,” I started. “You were taken.”

“Like... social services taken or kidnapped taken?”

“Kidnapped taken.”

Her eyes narrowed and then widened with surprise. “By whom?”

“Something called the Fir Darrig.”

“The what?”

I nodded, knowing she wouldn’t understand. “The Fir Darrig was a creature from the land of faery. Part of the Unseelie Court, the dark fae.” I swallowed.

“Okay,” Rowan started.

“And your father… your father and I went after you. To the land of Faery. And we were able to get you back, but not without… not without making a deal.”

“A deal?”

I nodded. “It was something I didn’t find out about until much later, Rowan,” I said and felt my breath going heavy as I remembered the specifics. “But the Unseelie took your father prisoner and when they did, he made a deal with the Fir Darrig.”

“What was the deal?”

I didn’t want to tell her. There was an enormous, petulant part of me that was afraid she would hear the story and side with her dad. That she’d decide I’d made a rash and petty decision, and in deciding as much, she’d open all his letters, leave and go find him and never speak to me again.

And there was something awful in that fear, too. This trembling terror of what Sinjin might say, that he might be able to convince her he was in the right. That he might be able to convince me, and I’d have to reconcile ten years of being completely, unforgivably wrong.

“Mum? What’s the matter?”

I cleared my throat. Tears threatened my eyes. “Your father…” I said slowly, trying to keep the memories from infiltrating my mind. They were just… too painful. “He made a… a trade with the Fir Darrig to get you back.”

She caught on at once. “A trade? For whom?”

I scoffed. Not because it was a foolish question, but because the truth seemed so painfully obvious. Realization dawned in her eyes.

“Jolie’s life. In exchange for yours.”

Rowan was quiet for a moment. Then she looked up at me and her big eyes shone with unshed tears. “Does Emma know?”

“No.”

“Are you ever going to tell her?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know,” I said and shook my head as I took a deep breath. I’d already asked myself this question a million times. And I still didn’t have a good answer. “Eventually, maybe, but not now. She has other things to worry about.”

“Other things to worry about besides the deal that dad made with the Unseelie that killed her mom?” asked Rowan.

“Yes. Emma doesn’t need this on her plate right now, not while she’s in the middle of school and she already has an absentee father. I don’t… I don’t want to add more stress on her. It wouldn’t be right.”

“Her plate’s not going to get any bigger,” Rowan said, shaking her head. “You have to tell her.”

“I will… in time.”

Rowan shut her mouth. She leaned forward, both hands on the table, as she shook her head and bit her lower lip. She was about to start crying—I could see it in the way she was trying to hold herself back.

“You can’t not tell Emma, mum,” she said when she finally looked up at me and her ice-blue eyes were wet with tears.

“Do you think I haven’t thought about this?” I asked as I took a deep breath. “That I haven’t thought about this every single day since Jolie died? Do you think there are ten minutes that go by without me thinking about how much this has messed up Emma’s life already? And yours?”

When I finished, I was panting. Rowan was staring at me.

“I’m sorry,” she said and lost the battle with her tears. “I… I can’t believe dad is the reason aunt Jolie is gone!”

It was the same thing I’d told myself so many times.

“No, I’m sorry, Rowan.” I hurried to her and wrapped her in my arms as she held me and cried against my shoulder. I had wanted to spare her this. I’d wanted to protect her, to keep her away from the miserable realities of life. I wanted to keep her here in this house which was so far away from everything, everyone. I just wanted to… keep her safe.

“I asked.”

“I’m sorry you did and I’m also sorry I didn’t tell you sooner… it wasn’t… right. I just… I never knew how to bring it up or what