Sex On A Plate - Scott Hildreth Page 0,1
Neeson Thriller. The filet was like rubber, the potato tasted like dirt, and the salad was wilted. Don’t even bother. It was fucking awful.”
Why are we so keen to discuss our beliefs when it comes to food?
Because food, like sex, evokes emotion.
Although there are several things that I am personally capable of, there are only two that I believe are worth mentioning.
Cooking and telling stories.
I’ve shared my life’s experiences through the 49 full-length novels I’ve published. This is as close as I can get to offering you a meal.
I’ve chosen 49 of my go-to recipes. They’re all simple to prepare. Not one will require a trip to some overpriced specialty shop at the other side of town.
Convinced a good book and a good meal are a recipe for success, I’m hoping to share both with you at the same time. That offering is between the two covers of this book.
Be forewarned, I cuss a little when I cook.
Oh, and I tend to tell stories as they relate to my memories of the food I’m preparing.
Thumb through these pages and find out what it is that I enjoy eating while you learn a little about what got me to where I am.
If you’re a previous fan of my writing, you know that I’m the hideously ugly man with the gorgeous wife.
What we’ve learned so far tells us that one of three things must be true.
I’ll confide in you a little.
In our household, I do most of the cooking.
Let’s get started, shall we?
DESSERTS
DESSERTS
Grilled Peaches
H.P.P.F.
Scott’s Bananas Foster
Soft Chocolate Chip Cookies
Chocolate Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting
Oatmeal Cookies
Matt’s Baked Cheesecake
GRILLED PEACHES
DIFFICULTY: Really? It’s a grilled fucking peach. It’ll be over before you know it.
TIME: 15 minutes, start to finish.
What you’ll need from the cupboard: If you have a grille, you’ll need a spatula with a sharp edge (a metal one, not a fat plastic one) and a pair of tongs. If you don’t have a grille, you’ll need a skillet with a lid that fits well and that same spatula. You’ll also need 2 big soup spoons, 2 bowls (assuming 2 people). An electric mixer. A mixing bowl. A teaspoon. An Ice cream scoop. A rubber spatula.
What you’ll need from the pantry: RIPE peaches (one per person). Vanilla ice cream. Half a cup of brown sugar. Cinnamon. Pam cooking spray. A stick of softened butter.
Grilled peaches are a must have in our home. Jessica had never eaten them until she met me. Now she begs for them. As if her life depends on it.
They’re one of the few things in life that provide a huge return on a minimal investment.
Here we go.
Chuck the stick of softened butter in the mixing bowl. Add 1/4 cup of brown sugar and 1/4 of a teaspoon of cinnamon to the bowl.
Set remaining 1/4 cup of brown sugar aside.
Beat the butter/sugar/cinnamon with the electric mixer until smooth.
Scrape off beaters with the rubber spatula and set the beaten butter mixture aside.
Don’t even think about licking the beaters. Toss them aside. You’re not going to need them any longer.
Grab one peach per person. Make sure they’re ripe. Nothing is worse than a peach that has the crisp snap of a fucking Gala apple when you bite into it.
If the peach is ripe, wash the peach. If it is not, wrap it in a brown paper bag and wait anxiously for 3 days. Don’t ask. Just believe me, it works.
Wash the peach.
Dry the peach.
Cut the peach in half (from stem to bottom) and remove the pit.
Cast the pit into the trash. If you leave it on the countertop, you’ll forget it. Ants love forgotten peach pits. Nobody likes ants.
Place the teaspoon inside the butter mixture with the handle sticking up. Ever seen the picture of the Marines raising the flag at Mount Suribachi?
Make it look like that.
Take your tongs, spatula, peaches (on a plate), the extra brown sugar (it’s not really extra), and the butter mixture to the grille.
Spray the grates of the grille with Pam. Spray the face of the peach with Pam.
Heat the grille with a high flame to around 450 degrees. If you’re grille doesn’t have a thermometer, heat it on high for ten minutes. During this ten-minute opportunity, think of what regrets you have from high school.
What do you wish you could take back? What one thing?
Mine is for not stepping in when Jim Lister got his ass kicked. I could have stopped it, but I didn’t. I found it interesting to watch. Until it wasn’t.
Ding!
The grille’s ready.
Add the