Seventh Seal - Jacquelyn Faye Page 0,45

discuss?" Nana slid into the booth and smiled at me across the table.

"That is untrue, Mothersaurus. I do love a nice hard–"

"Block of cheese," I finished for her and shot her a dirty look as Marge ambled up behind her. "Sit, Mother."

She humphed and did as I asked, sitting next to Nana.

"Mornin', Ladies. Tea, Cathleen?"

"Please, Margaret."

"Coffee, Dot?"

"Coke, actually. I had a coffee at the store." I instantly regretted my words. Marge shot me a look like I'd slept with Herb. The utter look of betrayal was more of a guilt trip than I ever got from my own mother. "On second thought, give me a coffee. I had one of those floofy things they try to pass off as real coffee. I still need a jolt."

She beamed. "Never understood people's fascination for overpriced coffee flavored cocoa drinks. Silly, if you ask me."

I had never understood it, either. Until I tried the Unicorn Jizz. Witch's Tit. Whatever. It was sparkly and nummy, and I would definitely order again. "You and me both." I agreed to make peace.

"And for you, Your Highness?" She shot my mother an evil glare.

"Whatever weeds you plucked from the parking lot and try to pass off as tea, Dear."

"My pleasure," Marge answered, sneered, and headed for the kitchen.

"What the fuck happened between you two?" I blinked in disbelief. They'd never been chummy, but that was a far cry from open hostility.

"I may have mentioned that someone forgot to remove the saddle before grinding the poor animal into Salisbury steak."

"You what?"

Nana started chuckling.

Mother looked at me like I was an idiot. I mean, that's how she usually looked at me, but even more so than usual. "I told her that the Salisbury steak tasted like horse."

"That's not all," Nana said with a bray of laughter.

I put my face in my hand and rubbed my eyebrows vigorously. "What did you do, Mother?"

She sighed. "I may have mentioned that it was a coincidence that her husband was a coroner…and that's where he and Midge met…"

"What?"

Nana was crying and waving her hand in front of her face.

"You know. The morgue, Daughter?" Mother picked up a menu and started perusing the specials.

"A table for two she called it!" Nana had given up trying to hold it in.

I looked over at the window to the kitchen. Marge was yelling something at Herb in a hushed but angry tirade, pointing in our direction.

"Mother? Why is it that you just can't be human for once in your life?"

"Because I'm a witch, Dear," she answered without looking at me from over her menu.

"Do I even want to know what happened?" I'd given up on Mother and asked Nana.

"She accidentally spilled a hot open-faced turkey platter in your mother's lap!"

Marge headed back in our direction, and for the first time I noticed her limp. "Mother? What did you do?"

"Nothing."

"Mother?"

Without a word, Marge set our drinks down on the edge of the table, muttered something about being right back, and headed for the back of the restaurant. Hopefully, not to arm herself.

"What did you do?" I hissed the question.

"Gave her a penis."

"Why is she fucking limping, Mother?"

"It was a big penis dear. I can't imagine trying to walk with that thing tucked wherever she hid the damn thing. If Herb is limping, I guess we'd know the answer to that question."

Nana spilled her tea.

I stared in horrified shock.

My mother wiggled her eyebrows at me over the menu.

"Fuck me."

"That's what he said!"

Somewhat composed, Marge came out of the back and pulled out her ordering book as she tilted her head at Nana.

"I'll have the pork cutlet with mashed potatoes, please."

She nodded, wrote it down and looked at me. "Dot?"

Reaching out, I touched her arm and whispered, "Mar a bhí tú." I watched as Marge visibly shuddered and I tried very hard not to think about what was going on under her teal skirt. "I'll have a burger, please."

"Thank you," she mouthed the words, giving me a look of utter gratitude, and shot my mother a disgusted look. "What do you want, Hagdeline?"

"I'll have the Salisbury horse steak."

"I thought you didn't like it?"

"The bits and reins were rather distracting, but on a whole, the meal was almost edible, Barge."

"Huh. Thought you would be used to having a bit in your mouth."

"Only when I'm being ridden, Dear." Mother smiled saucily and handed Marge the menu.

"Oh. Then you must not be used to wearing one." Marge smiled back and took our order to the kitchen.

All in all, I was quite proud of