For Seven Nights Only - Sarah Ballance Page 0,51
what would hers be without him in it? Empty. Cold. Inevitable. “How do we go backwards from here?”
His brow furrowed. “Backwards?”
“To being strangers. How do I forget what we’ve shared?” She was nearing tears, and she didn’t want that. She didn’t want to care. But she did care, and that pissed her off, not that he deserved it. He’d said from the beginning the only entanglements he did involved sheets. And now he wore that same guarded, pitying expression he had the night they met when she was flailing.
Back when he’d made a promise to help her find someone.
She’d never dreamed that someone could be him.
And it’s not.
“Kelsie—”
“Sorry. I forgot. We haven’t shared anything. We’ve hung out. And we’ve fucked.” She let the words hang in the air, stupidly hoping he’d correct them. Soften them. But all he did was stand there and look stricken.
Well, that was something.
She reached over and snapped off the heat to the oven. “What, exactly, do you have against relationships?”
He looked at her for a long time before he responded. His voice meticulously even, he said, “My parents have been married for almost thirty-five years. It’s a little hard on the ol’ expectations.”
He couldn’t have been vaguer. Her mind scrambled to fill in the blanks, then she realized she didn’t need to fill in anything. The blanks didn’t matter. What did was that he wasn’t giving anyone a chance. He didn’t even want to try. “How are you going to find thirty-five years if your romantic life is nothing more than a series of one-night stands?”
“I’m not finished,” he said quietly. “My brother Ethan married his high school sweetheart. She died two years later of lymphoma. He was devastated. He still is. It’s been two years, and he’s still eighty percent zombie.”
Her heart ached at his words. “And with good reason. I’m sure that was absolutely a devastating loss. Most people don’t get married expecting less than forever.”
“Right. But how many people get it?” He pushed a hand through his hair, adorably tousling it. “Losing Amy destroyed Ethan. And the same thing is going to happen to whichever of my parents is here the longest.”
“Sawyer, that’s life. That doesn’t mean you run away from it.”
“I’m not running. I’m facing reality. I don’t want to end up in a bad relationship, and I don’t want to lose a good one. If I go down that road, one of those two things is bound to happen.”
“So being alone is the answer?”
“Sweetheart, I’m never alone for long.”
Cocky bastard. The words stung. Her fault for taking them personally, but she was sleeping with him. And she never once imagined she’d be with a guy who’d look her in the eye and remind her he’d have someone else in his bed soon enough.
What the hell was she doing?
Not falling for him. That’s what.
Fighting to keep her voice steady, she said, “So this is date six, I guess. I learned an alternate way to move furniture and figured out I still can’t cook.”
The hint of a smile disappeared before it had fully formed. “This wasn’t supposed to be date six.”
“Maybe it should be date seven. I mean, really, what else do I have to learn?” He opened his mouth, and she held up a hand. “Let me rephrase. You’ve given me a surprisingly decent cache of tips and advice. We’ve had a great time. I’ve learned a lot. In fact, Sunday morning I turned down a date—”
“Wait. What?” Something surprisingly akin to jealousy sparked in his eyes.
She shrugged, feigning nonchalance but secretly enjoying his reaction. “I was out walking Marmaduke when I ran into a guy I worked with on a job but couldn’t go out with at the time for professional reasons. That conflict is no longer an issue, so he asked me out.”
Sawyer’s eyes had darkened to a dangerous hue. “What did you say?”
“I said it was complicated.”
“It didn’t occur to you to say you knew just the date and time?” His voice was sour with sarcasm. Or was he mocking her?
Either way, his reaction angered her. “Are you kidding me? Don’t you think I should let the sweat dry after you’ve fucked me before I accept a date with someone else?”
“Jesus Christ, Kelsie. All you’ve wanted this whole time is a date with someone else.”
She wanted to yell no, that at some cruel, pivotal point something had changed. But that didn’t matter, because she sure as hell hadn’t changed him. Oh, he’d tolerated having sex more than once,