Seven Up - By Janet Evanovich Page 0,66

freaking cool in there. You actually had me thinking you knew what you were doing. Like, I was almost thinking you had the heart."

Lula and I went back to the office, and my cell phone buzzed just as I walked through the door.

"Is your grandmother with you?" my mother wanted to know. "She walked to the bakery early this morning to get some rolls and she hasn't come back."

"I haven't seen her."

"Your father went out to look for her but he couldn't find her. And I've called all her friends. She's been gone for hours."

"How many hours?"

"I don't know. A couple. It's just that it's not like her. She always comes right home from the bakery."

"Okay," I said, "I'll go look for Grandma. Give me a call if she turns up."

I disconnected and my phone immediately rang again.

It was Eddie DeChooch. "Do you still have the heart?" he wanted to know.

"Yes."

"Well, I've got something to trade."

I had a bad feeling in my stomach. "Mooner?"

"Guess again."

There was some scuffling and then Grandma came on the line.

"What's this business about a heart?" Grandma wanted to know.

"It's sort of complicated. Are you okay?"

"I've got a little arthritis in my knee today."

"No. I mean is Choochy treating you all right?"

I could hear Chooch in the background prompting Grandma. "Tell her you're kidnapped," he was saying. "Tell her I'm gonna blow your head off if she doesn't give me the heart."

"I'm not telling her that," Grandma said. "How would that sound? And don't get any funny ideas, either. Just because I'm kidnapped doesn't mean I'm easy. I'm not doing anything with you unless you take precautions. I'm not taking any chances getting one of them diseases."

DeChooch came back on the line. "Here's the deal. You take your cell phone and Louie D's heart to Quaker Bridge Mall and I'll call you at seven o'clock. Any cops come in on this and your granny's dead."

"WHAT WAS THAT all about?" Lula wanted to know.

"DeChooch has Grandma Mazur. He wants to trade her for the heart. I'm supposed to take the heart to Quaker Bridge Mall, and he's going to call me at seven with further instructions. He said he'll kill her if I bring the police into it."

"Kidnappers always say that," Lula said. "It's in the kidnapper handbook."

"What are you going to do?" Connie wanted to know. "Do you have any idea who has the heart?"

"Hold up here," Lula said. "Louie D don't have his name engraved on his heart. Why don't we just get another heart? How's Eddie DeChooch gonna know if it's Louie D's heart? I bet we could give Eddie DeChooch a cow heart and he wouldn't know. We just go to a butcher and tell him we need a cow heart. We don't go to a butcher in the Burg because word might get around. We go to some other butcher. I know a couple over on Stark Street. Or we could try Price Chopper. They've got a real good meat department.

"I'm surprised DeChooch didn't come up with this. I mean, nobody has even seen Louie D's heart except for DeChooch. And DeChooch can't see for shit. DeChooch probably took that pot roast out of Dougie's freezer thinking it was the heart."

"Lulu's come up with something here," Connie said. "It might work."

I picked my head up from between my legs. "It's creepy!"

"Yeah," Lula said. "That's the best part." She looked at the clock on the wall. "It's lunchtime. Let's go get a burger and then we'll get a heart."

I used Connie's phone to call my mother.

"Don't worry about Grandma," I said. "I know where she is and I'm going to pick her up later tonight." Then I hung up before my mother could ask questions.

AFTER LUNCH LULA and I went to Price Chopper.

"We need a heart," Lida said to the butcher. "And it has to be in good condition."

"Sorry," he said, "we don't have any hearts. How about some other kind of organ meat. Like liver. We have some nice calf livers."

"Has to be a heart," Lula said. "You know where we can get a heart?"

"So far as I know, they all go to a dog food factory in Arkansas."

"We haven't got time to go to Arkansas," Lula said. "Thanks, anyway."

On the way out we stopped at a display of picnic necessities and bought a small red-and-white Igloo cooler.

"This'll be perfect," Lula said. "All we need now is the heart."

"Do you think we'll have better luck on Stark Street?"

"I know some butchers there