Seven Up - By Janet Evanovich Page 0,57

the button and waited a few minutes.

"Know what I think?" Lula said. "I don't think this elevator's going to show up. I think Joyce is holding on to it."

We started up the stairs, fast at first, and then slower.

"Something wrong with my legs," Lula said at the fifth floor. "I got rubber legs. They don't want to work anymore."

"Keep going."

"Easy for you to say. You're dragging that boney-ass body of yours up these stairs. Look what I'm hauling."

It wasn't easy for me to say at all. I was sweating and I could barely breathe. "We've got to get into shape," I said to Lula. "We should go to a gym or something."

"I'd sooner set myself on fire."

That about summed it up for me, too.

We staggered out of the stairwell into the hall at the seventh floor. Mary Maggie's door was open and Mary Maggie and Joyce were shouting at each other.

"If you don't get out of here this second I'm calling the police," Mary Maggie yelled.

"I am the police," Joyce yelled back.

"Oh yeah? Where's your badge?"

"It's here on this chain on my neck."

"That's a fake badge. You bought that badge from a catalogue. I'm telling on you. I'm calling the police and telling them you're impersonating a cop."

"I'm not impersonating anybody," Joyce said. "I never said I was the Trenton police. I happen to be the bond police."

"You happen to be the dodo police," Lula said, wheezing.

Now that I was closer I recognized Joyce's partner. It was Janice Molnari. I went to school with Janice. Janice was an okay person. I couldn't help wondering what she was doing working for Joyce.

"Stephanie," Janice said. "Long time no see."

"Not since Loretta Beeber's shower."

"How's it going?" Janice asked.

"Pretty good. How's it with you?"

"Pretty good. My kids are all in school now, so I thought I'd try working part-time."

"How long have you been with Joyce?"

"About two hours," Janice said. "This is my first job."

Joyce had a sidearm strapped to her thigh, and she had her hand on the sidearm. "So what are you doing here, Plum? Following me around so you can see how it's done?"

"That's it," Mary Maggie said. "I want all of you out! Now!"

Joyce shoved Lula toward the door. "You heard her. Move it."

"Hey," Lula said, giving Joyce a shot in the shoulder. "Who you telling to move it?"

"I'm telling you to move it, you big tub of lard," Joyce said.

"Better to be a tub of lard than chow mein barf and dog doody," Lula said.

Joyce gave a gasp. "How do you know? I didn't tell you all that." Her eyes opened wide. "It's you! You're the one!" Besides the gun, Joyce was wearing a utility belt complete with cuffs, defense spray, stun gun, and baton. She pulled the stun gun out of the belt and flipped it on. "I'm going to make you pay," Joyce said. "I'm going to fry you. I'm going to stick this to you until my battery is dead and you're nothing but a pool of liquefied fat slime."

Lula looked down at her hands. No purse in either of them. We left our purses in the car. She felt her pockets. No weapons there, either. "Uh-oh," Lula said.

Joyce lunged at her and Lula shrieked and whipped around and ran down the hall to the stairs. Joyce took off after her. And we all ran after Lula and Joyce. Me first, then Mary Maggie, then Janice. Lula might not be much going up the stairs, but once she got momentum going down she was uncatchable. Lula was a freight train in motion.

Lula got to the garage level and crashed through the door. She was halfway to the car when Joyce caught her and straight-armed her with the stun gun. Lula stopped short, swayed in place for a second, and went down like a sack of wet cement. Joyce reached out to give Lula another buzz, and I tackled Joyce from behind. The stun gun flew out of her hand, and we fell to the floor. And just then, Eddie DeChooch pulled into the underground garage in Mary Maggie's white Cadillac.

Janice saw him first. "Hey, is that the old guy in the white Cadillac?" she asked.

Joyce and I picked up our heads and looked. DeChooch was inching along, looking for a parking space.

"Get out!" Mary Maggie yelled to DeChooch. "Get out of the garage!"

Joyce scrambled to her feet and took off running toward DeChooch. "Get him!" Joyce yelled to Janice. "Don't let him get away."

"Get him?" Janice asked,