Seven Up - By Janet Evanovich Page 0,32

second story next and had the same experience. Boxes in the cellar and in the extra bedroom had been ripped open and emptied onto the floor.

Clearly, Mooner had no idea what DeChooch was after. Mooner wasn't smart enough to be devious.

"Is anything missing?" I asked Mooner. "Has Dougie ever noticed anything missing after the house is searched?"

"A rump roast."

"Excuse me?"

"I swear to God. There was a rump roast in the freezer and someone took it. It was a small one. Two and a half pounds. It was left over from a side of beef Dougie happened to come across. You know . . . fell off a truck. It was all that was left of it. We saved it for ourselves in case we felt like cooking something someday."

I returned to the kitchen and checked out the freezer and refrigerator. Ice cream and a frozen pizza in the freezer. Coke and leftover pizza in the refrigerator.

"This is a real downer," Moon said. "The house doesn't feel right without the Dougster here."

I hated to admit it, but I needed help with DeChooch. I suspected he held the key to Dougie, and he kept walking away from me.

CONNIE WAS GETTING ready to close up the office when Mooner and I walked in. "I'm glad you're here," she said. "I have an FTA for you. Roseanne Kreiner. Businesswoman of the ho variety. Has her office on the corner of Stark and Twelfth. Accused of beating the crap out of one of her clients. Guess he didn't want to pay for services rendered. She shouldn't be hard to find. Probably didn't want to give up work time to go to court."

I took the file from Connie and stuffed it into my bag. "Hear anything from Ranger?"

"He delivered his man this morning."

Hooray. Ranger was back. I could get Ranger to help me.

I called his number, but there was no answer. I left a message and tried his pager. A moment later my cell phone rang and a rush skittered through my stomach. Ranger.

"Yo," Ranger said.

"I could use some help with an FTA."

"What's your problem?"

"He's old, and I'll look like a loser if I shoot him."

I could hear Ranger laughing at the other end. "What's he done?"

"Everything. It's Eddie DeChooch."

"Do you want me to talk to him?"

"No. I want you to give me some ideas on how to bring him in without killing him. I'm afraid if I zap him with the stun gun he'll go toes-up."

"Tag team him with Lula. Bookend him and cuff him."

"Already tried that."

"He got away from you and Lula? Babe, he must be eighty. He can't see. He can't hear. He takes an hour and a half to empty his bladder."

"It was complicated."

"You could try shooting him in the foot next time," Ranger said. "That usually works." And he severed the connection.

Great.

I called Morelli next.

"I've got news for you," Morelli said. "I ran into Costanza when I went out for the paper. He said the autopsy report came in on Loretta Ricci, and she died of a heart attack."

"And then she was shot?"

"You got it, Cupcake."

Too weird.

"I know this is your day off, but I was wondering if you'd do me a favor," I said to Morelli.

"Oh boy."

"I was hoping you'd baby-sit Mooner. He's tied up in this DeChooch mess, and I don't know if it's safe to leave him alone in my apartment."

"Bob and I are all set to watch the game. We've been planning this all week."

"Mooner can watch it with you. I'll drop him off."

I hung up before Morelli could say no.

ROSEANNE KREINER WAS standing on her corner, in the rain, looking totally wet and pissed off. If I was a guy I wouldn't let her within twenty feet of my wanger. She was dressed in high-heeled boots and a black garbage bag. It was hard to tell what she was wearing under the bag. Maybe nothing. She was pacing and waving at passing cars, and when the cars didn't stop she'd give them the finger. Her arrest sheet said she was fifty-two.

I pulled to the curb and rolled my window down. "Do you do women?"

"Honey, I do pigs, cows, ducks, and women. You got the dime I put in my time. Twenty for a hand thing. You go into overtime if you take all day."

I showed her a twenty, and she got into the car. I hit the auto door locks and took off for the police station.

"Any side street will do," she said.

"I have a confession."

"Oh