The Selection (The Selection #1) - Kiera Cass Page 0,92
my heart, I just wanted him to be with me in that moment. As I passed, I heard him inhale just next to my hair. It gave me a chill.
He fixed me with another stare and slowly closed the door.
Sleep was pointless. I tossed for hours as thoughts of Maxon’s stupidity and Aspen’s closeness battled in my head. I didn’t know what to do about anything. My reflections were so consuming, I didn’t even realize that I’d been mulling them over until well past two in the morning.
I sighed. My maids were going to have to work extra hard to make me look good tomorrow.
Suddenly I saw a light from the hallway. So quietly it felt like I was dreaming it, Aspen cracked open the door, walked in, and shut it behind him.
“Aspen, what are you doing?” I whispered as he crossed the room. “You’ll be in so much trouble if you’re caught in here!”
He continued to walk silently.
“Aspen?”
He stopped in front of my bed and quietly laid the staff he was holding on the ground. “Do you love him?”
I looked into Aspen’s deep eyes, barely visible in the dark. For a split second, I didn’t know what to say.
“No.”
He ripped back my blankets in a move both graceful and violent. I should have protested, but I didn’t. His hand was behind my head, pushing my face to his. He kissed me feverishly, and every good thing in the world fell into place. He didn’t smell like his homemade soap anymore, and he was stronger than he used to be, but every move, every touch was familiar.
“They’ll kill you for doing this,” I breathed in a brief moment when his lips traveled to my neck.
“If I don’t, I’ll die anyway.”
I tried to work up the will to tell him to stop, but I knew any attempts would be halfhearted. A thousand things about this moment felt wrong—that we were breaking so many rules, that as far as I knew Aspen had another girlfriend, that Maxon and I had some sort of feelings for each other—but I couldn’t care. I was so angry with Maxon, and Aspen felt so comforting, I just let his hands travel up and down my legs.
I marveled at how different it felt. We’d never had so much space before.
Even with the distraction, I could feel everything else swarming in my head. I was angry with Maxon, angry with Celeste, even angry with Aspen. Hell, I was angry with Illéa. As we kissed on and on, I started crying.
Aspen kissed me through it, and soon some of the tears were his, too.
“I hate you, you know?” I said.
“I know, Mer. I know.”
Mer. When he touched me like that, called me that name, I felt like I was a world away. Upset as I was, Aspen felt like home.
We went on for nearly fifteen minutes before he remembered himself.
“I have to get back, the guard doing rounds will be expecting me.”
“What?”
“There are guards who do rounds at random. I might have twenty minutes, I might have an hour. If it’s a short round, I have less than five minutes.”
“Hurry!” I urged, hopping up with him to help him straighten his hair.
He grabbed his staff, and we ran across the floor together. Before he opened the door, he pulled me in to kiss me again. It felt like pure sunlight was traveling down my veins.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” I said. “How did you end up on the palace guard?”
He shrugged. “Turns out I’m a natural. They fly everyone to this training place in Whites. America, it was covered in snow! Nothing like the flurries we get back home. All the new guards are fed and trained and tested. There are shots, too. Don’t know what’s in them, but I grew really fast. I’m a solid fighter, and I’m smart. I tested the highest in our class.”
I smiled with pride. “Not surprised by that at all.” I kissed him again. Aspen had always been too good to lead the life of a Six.
He opened the door and checked the hallway. It looked empty.
“I have so much to tell you. We need to talk,” I whispered.
“I know. And we will. It’s going to take some time, but I’ll be back. Not tonight. I don’t know when, but soon.” He kissed me again, so hard it almost hurt.
“I missed you,” he whispered into my mouth, and went back to his post.