Secrets at the Loch (Loch Lannick #5) - Hannah Ellis Page 0,58

have their own children. They wouldn’t have had room for me, and I’d probably have ended up in foster care or being adopted by someone else.” As her chin wobbled, she inhaled deeply and pasted on a smile.

“And you don’t have any contact with your biological mother?”

“Not any more. I used to see her at Grandad’s house sometimes.”

“What’s she like?”

“Awful.” Lexie let out a laugh that was lacking humour. “Actually, we did get on well for a while. When I was fifteen I was staying with Grandad and she was there. I thought she was so cool. She hung out with me and let me drink wine with her. It was like having this really cool older sister or friend. She was probably a bit drunk, but she told me that I should go and live with her when I finished school. I thought it was the best idea ever.”

“Did you do it?”

Lexie nodded. “Stephanie and I messaged each other a lot after that. I was desperate to finish school and get away from Skye. I don’t know how Angus and Mary put up with me. I kept telling them how excited I was to get away from them. And it was so stupid because they’d been the most amazing parents and I was horrible to them.”

“You were an obnoxious teenager,” Nick said. “It doesn’t sound like anything too shocking.”

“I should never have left,” Lexie said, her chest tightening at the thought of the time she’d spent living with Stephanie.

“What happened?”

As her throat constricted, Lexie wasn’t sure she could physically talk about it. She’d never spoken about it to anyone.

“It started out okay,” she said slowly. “Stephanie just felt like a friend. We were always drinking and partying. Then I met Ryan.” She frowned at the memories she usually did her best to keep buried. “I fell head over heels. Thought he was the love of my life.” Part of her wanted to change the subject quick. But another part of her wanted to tell Nick everything.

“After we’d been together for about six months I found out I was pregnant. It wasn’t planned but I was completely obsessed with Ryan and I thought it would be fine. I even remember thinking that I could have my own little family and show Stephanie that I could do what she couldn’t. Except, when I told Ryan, he wasn’t as happy about the idea of a baby. He said that he didn’t love me and it was just a casual thing to him. He split up with me and told me to get rid of the baby.” Pulling on her sleeve, she dabbed at her eyes. “I was distraught. But I thought Stephanie would look after me.” She frowned at how utterly naive she’d been on every count.

“I take it she wasn’t supportive?”

“No. She told me to get rid of the baby too.” Lexie had to take a deep breath before she forced out her next words. “She said I should learn from her mistake and have an abortion.”

Nick didn’t say anything but she caught the pity in his features.

“I packed my bags and left her house,” Lexie continued, just wanting to get to the end of the story. “I went and stayed at a cheap bed and breakfast, too ashamed to go home.”

“What happened with the baby?”

“I had an abortion.” She stared blankly at the wall, not wanting to see Nick’s reaction. “I didn’t want a baby. Not like that. I couldn’t cope with a baby on my own. And I didn’t want a kid growing up like I did, with no one really wanting them. All I wanted was to go home. But after the way I’d left things with Angus and Mary, I wasn’t even sure they’d have me back. I felt as though I’d been nothing but a disappointment to them and I couldn’t face going back pregnant.”

Nick said her name so softly it made her want to sob. She didn’t want to start blubbering, though, and pulled away when he reached for her hand.

“That’s why you avoid wee Arran?” Nick asked. “He reminds you of all this?”

“Kind of,” she said, sniffing loudly. “Except it’s not him really. It’s Elspeth I have a problem with.”

Nick’s brow creased. “Why?”

“Because my grandad used to say Stephanie had me too young and that’s why she couldn’t look after me. But Elspeth had Arran when she was a similar age and she’s a brilliant mum.” Lexie inhaled deeply. “I remember when I first