Secrets at the Loch (Loch Lannick #5) - Hannah Ellis Page 0,27
herself down. She should have been completely humiliated by her outburst, but she didn’t have the energy for more emotions. Humiliation could wait for another time.
“I don’t know if I like your hugs,” she said when she finally pulled away from him.
“I promise I wasn’t intending to make you cry.” His eyes scanned the room until they landed on the box of tissues on her desk. He brought them to her. “It might have done you good, though.”
“I’m not sure about that.” The tissue scraped against the cardboard as she pulled it from the box. It took a couple to mop up the mess that was her face. “Did I scare Arran?”
Nick shook his head. “I don’t think he was aware of anything other than the TV programme.”
“That’s good.”
Nick opened his mouth, then closed it again. Of course he would be curious. He probably wanted to ask what had turned her into a blubbering wreck. Part of her was desperate to tell him.
“I was pregnant once,” she said in a rush, then wondered if that was really what had upset her. Her head was such a jumble of bad memories it was hard to know what she was really upset about. Taking another tissue, she dabbed at her cheeks. Nick waited patiently for her to say more, but she wasn’t sure how to explain the rest. The silence was just beginning to feel uncomfortable when Nick finally spoke.
“Elspeth once told me that you act as though Arran doesn’t exist. She didn’t know why. But I guess he makes you think of things you don’t want to?”
“Kind of.” She shuffled over on the bed and crawled under the covers. “It’s difficult to explain.”
“You don’t have to explain. But if you want to talk about it you can.”
She smiled sadly. “I’m not even sure I can talk about it.” More tears threatened and she blinked them away. “I’m okay, though. You don’t have to stay around and babysit me.”
“I really don’t see this as babysitting.” He stood but reached out and gave her hand a squeeze. “Are you sure you’re okay? I can hang around if you want company. We don’t have to talk if you don’t want to.”
Her fingers curled around his, keeping a tight hold. “You’ve probably got stuff to do.”
“Only stuff I’d happily avoid. And your place is way warmer than mine. Want me to stay a bit longer?”
“I don’t mind.” Really, she didn’t want him to go anywhere, but she hated to seem needy. Clinging to his hand seemed to get the point across, and as Lexie scooted over on the bed, he kicked his shoes off and lay beside her.
She nestled into him, finding that comforting place where her head fit neatly under his chin. She matched her breathing with his and felt oddly peaceful as her mind cleared of all the memories that she’d become so good at keeping locked in a corner of her mind.
When her eyes flickered open again, Nick grimaced. “I was trying not to wake you,” he whispered.
The lamp was still on, illuminating the room. Lexie reached for her phone to check the time. Almost one o’clock in the morning. “Are you leaving?”
“Erm … I was actually just eyeing up the packet of biscuits on your desk.” His smile was adorably sheepish. “I didn’t have any dinner.”
“Me neither,” she said. “Sorry.”
“It doesn’t matter.” He retrieved the biscuits. “Do you want to share these? Or I could find us something else?”
“Biscuits are fine with me.” She took one when he held them out. “Sorry about before,” she said as she munched.
“You don’t need to apologise. I was just worried about you.”
“I don’t ever talk about it. I try not to even think about it, so when I do it feels like I’m falling apart.”
“It’s okay to fall apart sometimes.”
She pushed a piece of biscuit from her back tooth with her tongue. “When I let myself think about everything it’s like my chest is being crushed. Like everything inside me is being crushed. And that doesn’t feel very okay to me.”
“Sorry.”
She shrugged and took another biscuit, crossing her legs under her in the middle of the bed. As the sound of them crunching filled the room, Nick caught her eye and they grinned at each other.
“Did you know that Mary and Angus aren’t my biological parents?” She was happy that the question didn’t cause her emotions to overwhelm her again.