SECRETS & LIES 7 (Secrets & Lies #7) - H.M. Ward Page 0,12
His caustic tone matches the smile on his face. He starts to walk past me, but I grab his elbow and whirl him around.
“I’ve had enough of your super PMS, Josh. Either we’re friends, or we’re not.” He stares at me. I glance to the side, annoyed, and let out a huff. I raise my hand, press my palm to his forehead, and shove.
“Hey! What was that for?” He swats me away.
“For being an asshole. I don’t care who you were or what you did before. I already told you that. If you don’t condemn me, I won’t condemn you.” I fold my arms over my chest and try not to tap my foot.
“You haven't done anything wrong.”
“You don’t know that. I have, and it’s bad. Take me or leave me, but I’m not doing this bitchfest with you anymore.”
He studies me, trying to figure out if I’m telling the truth. When he decides I am, he seems impressed. “Kerry Hill, you hooker, you. Did you cheat on someone? Hook up with a married man?”
Part of that is technically true. I shrug. “Rebound guy.”
He flinches. “I told you to stay away from him. You nailed him?”
I hide my face and feel squeamish. “Maybe, and then I kissed you. Beth went nuts, and here we are.”
“I kissed you, so you didn’t cheat.”
“I didn’t push you away.”
He doesn’t refute my statement or smile. It’s a fact neither of us wants to touch, lying between us like a carcass smeared on the pavement. Josh kicks the toe of his Italian loafers at the clay, moving a rock with the point of the shoe. “Is it serious? With him?”
Glancing away, I shrug and confess, “I don’t know what I want.”
His head bobs up and down like he understands. “I hear you.”
“Do you?” I’ve got my feet planted in front of him and wonder what I’m saying. He’s going to think I want to be with him. Maybe I do, a little. Maybe I want to know what being with Josh would be like mainly so I can figure out what the hell I feel for Nate. That makes me a little insane. I should know how I feel, but I don’t. Since I got here, my life has been in a tailspin. Everything I thought I knew went flying out the window, and I'm still riding out the turbulence. The post-impact aftershocks have me acting like a PTSD victim. I walked away from a full crash and burn without a mark. Guilt lingers within me, making me feel directionless, like I don’t know fact from fiction anymore. I wouldn’t recognize love if it bit me on the ass. I’m so turned around and strung out I just want it to stop and settle down. I want to see who I am and what I want out of life, out of a man.
Josh watches me carefully and then lowers his eyes. “We have the same problem, don’t we?”
I’m mute for a moment, then swallow hard, trying to suppress everything that just flashed across my face. I fold my arms across my chest and inhale deeply, releasing the air in a slow, steady stream. “What’s that?”
“Neither one of us trusts ourselves anymore. You can’t tell how you feel, and I can’t promise I’ll stop.” He presses his lips together and then holds out a hand to me. “Come on.”
“Where are we going?” I slip my palm into his.
“We’re going to figure out how to get past this. I trust you, and, for some inexplicable reason, you trust me. Plus I know you can handle yourself, you’re hot, and you have mace.”
I yank my hand away, stopping on the sidewalk. Gaping at him, I ask, “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
“What? Do you need an invitation? Yes, I’m saying let's get naked and see what happens. Either way, we’ll both have answers to the questions that have us respectively freaked out. Do you have a better idea?”
I shake my head and glance nervously to the side.
Josh remains a step away. His gaze is cautious, almost as if he regrets making the offer, but it's too late now. His words hang between us like a shopping cart full of frozen monkeys precariously poised on a high-wire, ready to fall. No one could ignore something like that. He swallows hard and spits out the question. “So, this thing—the offer.” He gestures between us. “Are you in or out?”
I hesitate for a moment then grin. “That’s what she