The Secrets of Lake Road - Karen Katchur Page 0,109

the window, and crawled into the arms of the willow tree. Her mother continued carrying boxes in and out of the cabin. She listened to the door creak open and bang closed. Every now and again Gram would call to have her mother lift something heavy.

Her father’s truck was gone. He had told her late last night when she had returned to the cabin that he’d be on the road for awhile, and he had no idea when he would return. Something about the way he said it made her sad, although he assured her it had nothing to do with her or the fact that Johnny wasn’t his. She didn’t believe him nor did she try to stop him from leaving.

There was more stomping coming from the screened-in porch, and then the door slammed for the last time. Maybe her mother decided she had had enough and was taking off too.

“Caroline,” her mother called. “Are you out here?”

“Over here,” she said, and hopped down from her hiding spot. She moved the long sweeping branches aside and emerged from under the tree where her mother stood waiting on the other side.

“I’m going for a drive,” her mother said.

Of course you are, Caroline thought, but didn’t say. She only nodded.

Her mother hesitated, as if she was deciding whether or not to say whatever else was on her mind. In another second she asked, “Do you want to come with me?”

The question surprised Caroline. Her mother had never asked her to come along before. A week ago she would’ve jumped at the chance to be with her. But now?

Now, Caroline decided, she didn’t need to be.

CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN

Jo felt as though she was seeing her daughter for the first time in a long time. There was something new about her, a maturity she hadn’t seen before.

“Come on, come for a drive with me,” she said. “I can’t promise the radio station will play anything good, but I doubt the jukebox in the Pavilion is any better.”

A hint of a smile touched the corners of Caroline’s lips. “You’re right about the jukebox,” she said. “But I’m heading to the lake for the fishing tournament.”

“Did you enter?”

“Not this year. I promised Adam I’d go and cheer him on.”

“Oh,” she said, somewhat surprised by her disappointment that her daughter had other plans. After all, she hadn’t intended on asking her to come along. It was something that occurred to her at the last minute, that it was time to have the conversation she had been putting off. But nonetheless she said, “Well, if you promised Adam.”

“I did promise.” Caroline grabbed her bike from the yard.

It felt as though their roles had reversed overnight, and it was Jo begging with her eyes for her daughter to stick around.

“See you,” Caroline said in a nonchalant way.

“Hey, Caroline.”

Caroline stopped pushing her bike and looked over her shoulder.

“I’m coming back. You know that, don’t you?”

“Yeah, Mom, I know.”

“Do you?”

Caroline studied her, and Jo wondered what she saw: a mother who had lied to her, who had often run away for reasons Caroline had never understood. The longer her daughter stared at her, the more the guilt pressed down on Jo’s heart.

“I guess,” Caroline said finally. “I mean, I didn’t always know if you would come back or not.”

“I know. And I’m sorry about that.” She walked closer to her, hoping she wouldn’t jump on the bike and ride away. Although she supposed she couldn’t blame her if she did. “I’m sorry about a lot of things.”

Caroline shrugged, keeping her eyes on the ground by her feet.

“I know saying I’m sorry doesn’t make up for everything. But I am sorry for not telling you and Johnny the truth. It was a mistake. I made a terrible mistake.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Caroline asked.

“Well,” she said, wanting to give her an honest answer the best she could, but it was complicated. “I was young. And I was scared. Johnny’s father…” She hesitated, unsure about saying Billy’s name out loud.

“You mean Billy.”

“Yes, Billy.” She said it. “He’d drowned. And it was hard. For everyone. At the time I suppose I believed I was doing the right thing.”

“And Dad agreed.” There was a hard edge to Caroline’s voice, but there was something else in her expression, a kindness she had inherited from her father.

“Yes.” It had been Kevin’s insistence on keeping the identity of Johnny’s father a secret, putting distance between her and Billy’s family as a way of protecting her when really he was only trying to protect himself. But she wasn’t going to share this with her daughter. She wouldn’t be responsible for tainting him in her daughter’s eyes.

“You shouldn’t have lied to us.”

“I know.” Jo reached for her.

Caroline drew back.

They were quiet; neither seemed to know what to say.

Jo was the first to break the silence. “Are you sure you don’t want to come for a drive with me?” she asked.

“No.” Caroline shook her head. “I gotta go,” she said, and got on her bike.

Jo felt as though she had no other choice but to let her ride away. Her daughter no longer needed her as she once did. And Jo had no one to blame but herself. She turned toward the car. She wasn’t three steps away when Caroline called, “Mom.”

She turned back around. “Yes?” There was a hitch in her voice.

Caroline jumped off the bike and ran toward her. She fell into Jo’s outstretched arms, and Jo pulled her close, hugging her tight. She continued to hold her, wanting to hold her, for as long as her daughter would allow.

* * *

Jo slipped behind the wheel of the old Chevy and started the engine. She rolled the windows down and turned on the radio before backing out of the yard. She took her time driving down the dirt road, dodging the potholes that had been there since the beginning of time, although she could’ve avoided hitting the bigger ones with her eyes closed. Nothing ever changed at the lake. Almost nothing.

She drove out of the colony and onto Lake Road. She continued down the hill that led to the Pavilion, but instead of heading toward the festival where Caroline and her friends had gathered, she made a sharp left turn and parked on the other side of the lake, far away from the crowd. She cut the engine and stared at the mountains covered in lush green trees. The water glistened under the bright blue sky. The sight was so beautiful, it took her breath away. It was something Kevin had said about her at one time.

He had to be out of the state by now, traveling west across country in his rig. She wondered how much time he’d have before he’d have to turn back around. It could be weeks, months, if he were lucky. With Patricia burying her daughter, there was no telling when she’d be ready to talk with the sheriff or how well she’d hold up as a witness.

Jo believed she had some time and in that time, she hoped she could find a way to forgive him. After all, she had come to terms with a few things about herself in the last twenty-four hours. She realized she was just as responsible as Kevin for Billy’s death. She may not have been the one who had pushed him into the lake, but she had pushed him in her own way. She had manipulated him with her body, using her sex to control him.

She had been irresponsible and selfish, enjoying both boys’ attention too much, rendering her incapable of choosing between them. She had been young and foolish thinking she could break the rules of love without anyone getting hurt. In the end, she not only hurt Billy and Kevin, but she hurt herself, too.

And Kevin had known all this about her. He had known her better than she had known herself. And in spite of it all, he loved her anyway.

She reached for the cell phone because, after everything, he should’ve known this too. She typed: I still would’ve married you.

After hitting send, she sped away, the volume on the radio high, music blaring. She would drive as far as it would take to get her message through.