Second Chance With Me - S. Moose Page 0,14

all that’s happened and thank the stars for the life I have now. Trying to see if I could have done something different, but then I remember we can’t change the past since it’s out of our control. What we can change, what we have control of is our present and future. The past stands as a lesson to be learned and a guidance tool so we can move forward and not look back.

And on all that’s going to happen.

Whatever that may be.

As I trace their faces in this picture, it gets to me. It’s a memory of my past and the guilt that follows. It never ceases. The guilt only grows, and the nagging voice in my head is on a constant loop, reminding me I’m the reason my life is the way that it is.

“Ashley.” I turn and see my mom coming outside on the deck and taking a seat. “Honey, are you okay? You seem like you’re a million miles away.”

I shrug my shoulder, keeping my eyes on the picture in my hand. “I’ll be okay. I always am. Just getting lost in my thoughts.” I turn in my chair so I’m looking at her. “Do you think about Daddy?”

“All the time.” She sighs and places her hand on her chest over her heart. “He’s the first thing I think about when I wake up and my last thought when I close my eyes. I send a prayer to him every night, and I hope he hears it. Your father is the love of my life. There will never be another man like him. Once you know, you just know.”

“Yeah,” I mumble and try to hold in my emotions. “How do you do it? Losing Daddy wasn’t easy, but you picked yourself back up, and you’re an amazing and strong woman who is always there for us.”

“Because of my children and grandchild. I may not have your father here in this world, but he’s with me always. I truly believe your father is here with us, and he’s guiding me and helping me get through the days and nights. Having you and your sisters in Seattle is a nice bonus. With Dana pregnant with my second grandchild, it just makes life more beautiful.”

“I admire you, Mom. I always have.”

She reaches over and pats my hand. “I’m the one who admires you, my dear. Don’t put yourself down, sweetheart. You’re a strong woman, and you’ve done so much in your life. Your father would be proud of you. I’m so proud of you. I want you to know you can talk to me. No matter what, even if you think I’ll be disappointed, talk to me. A mother knows best.”

I smile at her. As much as I love my mom and know she means well, I can’t open that piece of my heart to her or to anyone. I need to be strong for Alex and focused. We have goals in our lives, and my goal is to ensure I give Alex the best life possible. He’s my reason. My why.

“I can’t open that chapter again.” I blow out a breath. “I think about him all the time and wonder how he’s doing. Meg’s itching to tell me, but I told her not to update me anymore. He’s not coming back to Seattle, and I need to move on with my life. His lack of a response was a response, so I’m moving on, and Alex will be okay.”

“Is Heath coming over today?”

“The truth is, Mom, Heath wasn’t looking to be a stepdad or anything. He wanted me to himself and didn’t like the idea of raising another man’s son. I didn’t want a man like him around Alex. He deserves better, and I do too.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I should call his mama and let her know what her damn fool of a son is up to. I know Trisha, and she did not raise her son to be the type of man he is today.”

I laugh, shaking my head. “We’re not teens anymore. You can’t go calling his mama because he did an asshole thing. Thanks for asking. I know we’ve had our moments.” I pat her hand. “I’m strong and doing well. Don’t worry about me.”

“You’re my daughter. Of course, I’ll worry about you. Now that you’re a mother, you need to understand that.”

“Thanks. Not necessary, but thanks. I do understand what you’re saying.” I blow out a breath. “Being a mother is hard.”

“I