Or even for him to explain why he said it. I don’t understand and this isn’t an easy situation to be in. I don’t want to make him mad. And he’s right, this arrangement morphed into something neither of us signed on for.
I promised that I wouldn’t fall in love with him, yet I did exactly that. He owes me nothing and I should give him the space he requested.
I only hope when it’s all said and done, we can at least to go back to being friends. That’s been my one fear all along. I’ve had a crush on the man for most of my adult life, but I managed to keep my distance because, if nothing else, Kingston is like family to me. And the last thing I want to do is lose that.
Nothing is worth losing that.
50
Kingston
Thursday, January 19
January has been a shit month for me. Not only when it comes to Ellie but also on the ice. We’ve won two of the last ten games. With a record of 29-18-1, we’re not doing horrible, but if I don’t find my rhythm, I can’t say we won’t be headed down the wrong road. Coach has put Locke in, but the kid’s doing worse than me and his attitude shows it.
“Hey, you got a minute?” Spencer asks, coming to sit by me on the plane. We’ve spread out far enough that we don’t have to share a row, but from time to time, the guys move around to chat.
Apparently, Spencer wants to chat.
Unfortunately, I don’t.
He doesn’t seem to care.
I nod, watching him as he sits down. He’s holding a sheet of paper.
“I was looking at something,” he says, calm and cool as ever. “Thought maybe you’d see the same trend that I do.”
He hands me what appears to be a printout of our games. I glance at the dates in the first column and confirm my suspicion. There are four columns. Date, Visitor, Home, and Score. To the far right, there’s another column with the letters W and L. Clearly win or loss.
I study the sheet for a minute, starting with October. We won all but two of the games that month. November, we won all but three. December appears to be when we took a nose dive. We lost every other game we played. And up to this point in January, it’s clear the momentum has shifted the wrong way. Only one win.
Peering over at Spencer, I see him watching me.
“Yeah? So?” I know what our season looks like. This isn’t the first time I’ve looked at it. I simply don’t know what Spencer’s getting at.
Spencer shakes his head and takes the paper back from me, then pins me with a hard stare. “October was a good month,” he says, stabbing the paper. “Also happens to be the month you and Ellie started seeing each other.”
I’ve noticed that Spencer doesn’t know that Ellie and I have called it quits. I haven’t seen her since the night at the rink when I told her I was done. She hasn’t called or texted, and I’ve done my best to stay out of her way. Spencer hasn’t mentioned it, so I know he isn’t aware. Otherwise, he would’ve ripped me a new one for being a total fucking asshole to her. Because, no doubt about it, I was.
“It’s pretend,” I snap.
Spencer lowers his voice. “The hell it is.” He stabs the paper again. “November was a phenomenal month. Happens to be the month you and Ellie got closer.”
“So, you’re telling me that I’m the only reason we win or lose?”
“Of course not,” Spencer counters, pointing at the sheet. “But, if you notice, the number of goals we give up has a trend also.”
I roll my eyes.
“December…”
I don’t need to hear what he has to say. I turn my head and stare out the window.
“You can’t give up on her, Kingston.”
I frown, turning back. “Me? Who said I was giving up? She’s the one who’s working things out with James.”
Spencer leans back and glares at me. “Is that what you think is going on? You think the two of them are hooking up?”
My attention returns to the window. I don’t know what I think. We never talked about it. She never told me what the two of them talked about, and I never bothered to ask. I didn’t want to know.
I know he hasn’t met Bianca yet, but I did hear Spencer mention that she’s planning to introduce the two of