The Search The Secrets of Crittenden Cou - By Shelley Shepard Gray Page 0,64

would forget about the drugs and the Englischers, and the outside world.” She cleared her throat, fighting back the thick feeling that always came when she remembered just how naïve she’d been. “Anyway, when were in that field, he’d tried to give the sunglasses to me. He acted like the gift was something special.”

He circled back to the original topic. “Tell me about the sunglasses.”

“Well, Perry said a friend of his had given him two pairs, but I didn’t understand why he was giving one pair to me. The glasses were expensive and men’s. I felt like him handing me that pair was a true sign that I was merely an afterthought in his life.”

She continued after swallowing down her disappointment. “After we talked for a little bit, and after he said he wanted to leave, both Crittenden County and our lifestyle, I was eager to put some distance between us.”

“Were you afraid he was going to hurt you?”

“No.”

“Sure about that?” He looked down at his notes. “You’ve said more than once that you had worried about his behavior . . .”

“I didn’t fear him, didn’t fear for my safety. But I was wary and uneasy around him. I don’t know what I was feeling, if you want to know the whole truth. I was frightened of him because I didn’t understand how he was acting. But I was also frightened of myself.” She paused, struggling to find the right words. “You have to know how I was feeling back in December.”

“How were you feeling?”

Tears of betrayal stung her eyes. She was so tired of reliving those moments, and so tired of feeling like she was failing in spite of her best intentions. “When Perry and I first started courting, I had hope, Luke,” she blurted. “That is what was different. I was still hopeful that everything between Perry and me would somehow work out. That eventually we would fall in love. I couldn’t imagine that he had any other path to choose. I wanted to believe that he would stop taking drugs, and stop hanging around the dangerous-looking men. I thought if he really wanted to, he would change. If he’d just had a reason.”

“You wanted to be the reason.” His voice was softer—soft with understanding. But now, even his understanding didn’t ease her hurts.

“Yes,” she said, though even saying that one word was a painful thing. “I hoped I mattered enough to make a difference with him. But I didn’t.”

After a moment, he said, “Let me be sure I understand this. He wanted you to have the sunglasses . . .”

“He offered them to me, but I didn’t want them.” Her cheeks burned as she remembered how shocked she’d been. She held up a hand. “And before you go about asking me why yet again, I’ll tell you. Those sunglasses didn’t seem like a gift to me. They were a symbol of everything that he’d become and I was not. They were an afterthought, turned and twisted around in order for him to get me to do something.”

Luke’s head popped up, his eyes piercing. “He wanted you to leave the Amish,” he said softly.

Satisfied that she had his complete attention, Frannie continued. “Yes. But the thing of it is, he knew I wouldn’t have left the order.”

“You’d never leave?”

“I would never leave . . . unless I knew, deep in my heart, that it was the right choice.” But Perry hadn’t been the right person. At the end of the day, she knew that Perry had had no idea what would have made him happy.

Softly, she added, “I didn’t want to change for him, Detective. I didn’t want to be the kind of woman who would change herself for a man.” And though it was almost physically painful, she finished her thought. “I didn’t want to be the kind of woman to change herself for a man like that.”

She sighed. “I ended up throwing those sunglasses into the woods. Then I turned and ran back through the Millers’ farm.”

“Where did you go?”

“Home, of course. I was crying terribly.” Remembering how she’d passed Schrock’s Variety through a haze of tears, she said, “I was so distraught, why I almost ran over poor Jacob Schrock.”

His eyes narrowed. “What?”

“Oh, it was nothing. He was sweeping the front walk of the store when I ran by.” Smiling at the memory she’d almost forgotten, she said, “He was worried about my tears. Angry at Perry for causing me pain. He even offered to