Sean's Reckoning - By Sherryl Woods Page 0,67

doing, but in a way he and Ryan had abandoned Michael, the same way their parents had abandoned all of them.

He sighed and looked up to find Ryan studying him with concern.

“You okay?” Ryan asked.

“Just thinking about how we let him down,” he admitted, unable to keep a note of self-loathing out of his voice.

“I know how you feel. I lived with the same guilt for years where both of you were concerned, but Maggie’s made me see that we were just kids, too,” Ryan said. “There’s nothing we could have done differently to change things. When it comes to kids our age, adults are always in charge. We had to go along with what they decided. Now we have to go on from where we are. There’s no point in looking back and wishing we’d done things differently.”

“I suppose.”

“Hey, you forgave me,” Ryan said lightly. “Maybe Michael will forgive both of us.”

“Maybe he won’t even remember us,” Sean said. “Hell, he was only four when we were split up.”

Ryan sighed. “Definitely a possibility, but I can’t stop looking now. Any idea how we can take this information and use it?”

Sean didn’t want any part of the investigation. It was one thing for Ryan to conduct his search, maybe turn up this family member or that one. Then Sean could see them…or not. But the memory of Michael, his lower lip trembling as he was led away by a different set of foster parents, made him want some resolution, too. And one look at Ryan’s expression told him he couldn’t sit on the sidelines, especially when there might be a way he could help.

“There’s a guy in the department whose brother is at the Pentagon. Maybe he’d be willing to do a little digging around for us,” Sean conceded reluctantly. “Want me to ask him?”

“That would be great,” Ryan said enthusiastically. “I know you have your reservations about all this, but seeing me again hasn’t been so awful, has it?”

Sean grinned. “Hardly. How many times have I actually seen you, though? You could start to get on my nerves yet.”

“Very funny. Now tell me about this woman we’re helping this morning,” Ryan coaxed, circling right back to the topic Sean had been hoping to avoid. “How’d you meet?”

Sean told him the story of the fire and all about Kevin. When he was finished there was a broad grin on his brother’s face.

“You are so hooked,” Ryan declared happily.

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Is she pretty?”

“I suppose.”

“Sweet?”

He thought of Deanna’s sharp edges and feisty independence, all of it tempered by a surprising naiveté. “Sweet enough, I guess.”

“Vulnerable?”

Sean’s gaze narrowed. “Yes,” he confirmed tightly.

“And she’s a struggling single mom?”

“Yes. What’s your point?”

“Damsel in distress. Kid desperate for a father. Firefighter with a need to play hero. You do the math.”

Sean didn’t like the way things were adding up in his brother’s head. “Oh, go to hell,” he muttered.

His brother grinned. “Not till I get a look at this woman. And before you tell me what a pain in the butt I am, consider this—it could be worse.”

“I don’t see how.”

“Maggie would be all over this,” he teased. His face took on an odd expression, and then he met Sean’s gaze. “She’s got all these nesting urges.” He hesitated, then added, “She’s pregnant.”

Sean studied his brother, trying to gauge how he felt about the news. He didn’t know him well enough to read him with any accuracy. “You sound dazed,” he said finally. “You are happy about this, aren’t you?”

“Happy. Terrified.”

“What are you terrified about?” Sean asked, even though he could guess the answer. He opted for being supportive, saying the words he’d want to hear if he were in Ryan’s place. “You’re going to be a great father. And Maggie’s amazing. She’ll be a wonderful mother.”

“Oh?” Ryan said, his expression skeptical. “Maggie will be a terrific mother, but me as a dad? I don’t know. It’s not like either you or I had a sterling example set for us.”

“Which means you’ll try all the harder to avoid making the same mistakes,” Sean reassured him, stealing words Deanna had once expressed to him.

“The same way you’re trying with this kid? What’s his name? Kevin?”

Sean sighed. “Yeah. Something like that.”

“A word of caution,” Ryan said. “If what you’re saying is true, that you’re not interested in his mom—not that I believe that for a second—then be careful. Who knows better than the two of us what it feels like to be abandoned? You may not officially be