Sean's Reckoning - By Sherryl Woods Page 0,64
long ago. You’ve had chances.”
“None worth considering,” Deanna said defensively. “And I could have uncomplicated sex. I’m not opposed to it.”
“Oh, please,” Ruby said dismissively. “How many times have you told me that you don’t even like to date because it might be confusing for Kevin? Now you’re willing to go to bed with a guy because you’re in lust with him? I don’t think so. It’s more than that. You’re completely crazy about Sean. You’re at least half in love with him, if not head over heels. Why not admit it and go from there? Men like Sean Devaney don’t come along every day, you know.”
Deanna flatly refused to consider that possibility. She didn’t want to be in love, therefore she wasn’t. Period. “I’m not going to admit to anything, because you’re wrong,” she said emphatically.
“I have one word for you—denial.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Deanna insisted. But the sad truth was, Ruby had pegged it.
And that was the crux of the problem. Deep down, buried in a part of her heart she hadn’t listened to for years, were feelings she wasn’t ready to acknowledge, not aloud, not even to herself. Deep down she knew she wanted more from Sean than sex. A tiny untested part of her wanted the one thing he’d vowed never to do. She wanted to get married, have a family with him and live happily ever after.
Those were the kind of feelings, hopes and dreams that led to heartache. It was far better—safer—to pretend they didn’t exist. It was far wiser to accept that there were limits to the relationship. Sean certainly thought there were. His reasons were valid. So were hers.
Deanna might believe with all her heart that Sean was capable of making that kind of commitment to a future, that he was steady and dependable and would never abandon his family the way his father and mother had abandoned him—the way Frankie had abandoned her.
Unfortunately, she wasn’t the one who needed to have faith in him. Sean had to have faith in himself. Without that, it didn’t matter what she wanted or what she needed. Thinking she could control Sean’s emotions—could heal old hurts for him—was a surefire way to get her own heart broken.
She met Ruby’s worried gaze and forced a smile. “Stop looking at me like that. I know what I’m talking about.”
“You’re deluding yourself,” Ruby insisted, clearly unconvinced. “Stop making assumptions about what Sean does or doesn’t want. Tell him how you really feel. Total honesty is the only way to get what you want.”
Deanna regarded her curiously. “Have you told Hank what you want?”
The question clearly flustered Ruby. Bright patches of color burned in her cheeks.
“You haven’t, have you?” Deanna said triumphantly. “You’re pretty good at dishing out advice, but not at following it.”
“Two different situations,” Ruby said tightly.
“Meaning you have no interest whatsoever in pursuing a future with Hank?” Deanna asked skeptically.
“I didn’t say that.”
“Well, then? What are you waiting for?”
Ruby’s expression turned thoughtful. “I suppose you and I could make a pact. We could vow to jump off this particular bridge together. That way, if we crash land, we can always console each other. What do you think?”
Deanna studied her with a narrowed gaze as she considered this so-called pact Ruby was proposing. “I tell Sean how I feel, and you tell Hank how you feel, is that the deal?”
“Pretty much.”
If it would give Ruby the shove she needed to be honest with Hank, Deanna was willing to agree to just about anything. “Okay.”
Ruby stared at her with obvious shock. “You’ll do it?”
“If you do,” Deanna said.
“Okay, then. It’s a deal. When?”
“First opportunity. You’re seeing Hank tonight, right?”
Ruby swallowed hard. “I said I’d call him if I was free.”
Deanna grinned at her. “Then make the call.” Her grin spread. “I guess I won’t bother waiting up for you to get home tonight.”
“You’re being a bit overly optimistic, aren’t you?” Ruby grumbled.
“No way. I’ve seen the way Hank looks at you.”
“That doesn’t mean he wants any more than a quick roll in the hay. He probably wants it a lot, since I’ve been keeping him at arm’s length all these months.”
Deanna regarded her with a pitying look. “Ruby, think about it. If sex were the only thing on Hank’s mind, he could have dumped you weeks ago and moved on to someone more willing. He never had any trouble finding playmates in the past, at least not to hear Sean tell it. He’s stuck around