School of Fish (Fish Out of Water #6) - Amy Lane Page 0,99

pointed out, in case Ellery had confused him with someone else.

“Because you were protecting a terrified teacher, and your friend,” Ellery said softly. “And not because you were trying to throw yourself away.”

“I… I have a lot to live for,” Jackson said simply. But it needed to be said. It hadn’t always been that way, not even after Ellery. There had been a time—the longest, darkest night in November and its terrible aftermath—during which Jackson had looked at himself and seen who he’d been: the disposable boy, the junkie’s drop piece, the department snitch, and meat on the OR table. He hadn’t seen who he’d become, which was, he suspected, what Ellery was talking about now.

“Tell me,” Ellery begged. “I just bought you your fourth car in a year. If you gave birth, we’d be handing our firstborn over to my mother’s insurance broker. Tell me what you have to live for.”

Jackson had felt less naked when he’d been leaning over the ambulance, ass out, getting stitches put in his backside. But Ellery was here, telling Jackson he had faith that Jackson wasn’t going anywhere, and this? This emotional honesty? This was the price you paid for having a good person, a person you loved and desired, walk through the door and look at you the way Ellery looked at Jackson.

“You,” he said softly. “Us. Our friends. Our family. Our jobs. A chance to do good in the world. A chance to chase some of the monsters away. My cat. A new kitten. Calling your mother Lucy Satan. Watching my brother’s kids grow up. Working with my sister and putting her through law school.”

Ellery’s eyebrows arched. “I didn’t know she wanted to go.”

“I think she’d kick ass,” Jackson said softly. “Don’t you?”

Ellery nodded. “She’d definitely kick ass. But think of how much power she has now.”

Jackson laughed and nodded, loving how much Ellery knew his family. How much he cared. “I’ll ask her.”

“But those are very good things,” Ellery said. He gave a crooked smile. “And I appreciate—you have no idea how much I appreciate—being on top of that list. But the two of us, we did a lot of hard growing in this past year. And I don’t think you’re the same guy who would park your car in front of a drunk driver so he’d hit you and you could have your friend arrest him.”

Jackson blinked and then remembered the incident. “Heh heh heh heh….” And then thought of three other courses of action that wouldn’t involve wrecking his car or hurting his body. “Oh my God,” he said, surprised. “You’re… you’re right.”

“I am.” Ellery’s eyes sparkled.

“You’re often right,” Jackson said, his heart suddenly swelling. He knew it wasn’t a heart attack because the feeling filled him with warmth of hope and not the chill of saying goodbye. And the breathlessness? That was all love.

“I am about this,” Ellery said. “I have never worried about you taking care of my heart, Jackson. But I have worried about you taking care of yourself. And I’ll always worry because you’re not the kind of person to just sit and do nothing when someone is in need. I wouldn’t love you like I do if you were. But now I know that if it’s at all possible, if there’s anything you can do to make it happen, you’ll….” His voice grew thick. Choked with a year of worrying, Jackson knew now. Choked with a year of hoping Jackson could learn this simple lesson.

“I’ll come home to you,” Jackson finished for him.

Ellery nodded and used his napkin to wipe discreetly at his eyes. “So I bought you another fucking CR-V, because this one, I suspect, might make it longer than a month or two.”

Jackson stared at his hands for a minute. “Ellery?” he said, feeling pathetic.

“Yeah?”

“You done with your food yet?”

“It’ll keep,” Ellery said with dignity.

Which was good, because Jackson needed to hold him badly. He moved without thinking to the other side of the table and sank to his knees, wincing as he strained his stitches. Well, fuck, so much for caring for himself. But it had to be done on his knees. He was so humble before this man. He buried his face in Ellery’s middle and wrapped his arms around his waist and held him, just held him, while Ellery stroked his hair. The touch was soothing, and while not urgent, it was sexual.

They wanted each other.

They always wanted each other. That fire was always burning—even if it was