on, the more I forget where I am, who I am, what I have to do. When he slips inside me, it’s just Alex and I lying on my bed. Nothing else matters except this moment.
“I love you,” I whisper as my head falls back, and I clutch on to him.
“I love you, too,” he whispers into my ear as he rocks into me. “And, Gemma, I’m never letting anything happen to you.”
From the way his voice sounds at the moment, I know he means it. He’s going to do everything he can to make sure nothing happens to me. I want to tell him that he’s too late, that I’ve already sealed my fate, but his hips slam down on mine, and every worry in my head dissipates as I climb higher and higher until I completely get lost in everything that is him. The way he feels inside me, how his lips taste, how incredible he smells, how safe I feel in his arms—I clutch on to every detail, knowing this will probably be the last time we’ll be together like this. And he holds onto me equally as tight while we come apart together.
Alex stays inside me for a few minutes before he slips out and rolls onto his back. He keeps his arm around me, pulling me with him, and I rest my head on his chest.
“It’s almost burned out,” he says, his heart racing.
I look over at the candle burning on the nightstand, and my heart plummets at how little wax is left. “We probably only have a few more minutes.”
“I know.” His arm tightens around me. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” And then, just because I know I won’t be able to say it soon, I add, “I really do love you.”
His fingers stroke the side of my arm then travel to my collarbone. As he traces a path across my neck, his fingers abruptly stop moving. Then rolls on his side, forcing me on my back, and looks down at me.
“Where’s your necklace?”
I touch the hollow of my neck. “I lost it.” I don’t bother telling him where. If I do, knowing Alex, he might go looking for it.
“I’m sorry,” he says then steals another kiss, savoring the taste of my mouth. By the time he pulls away, we’re both breathless and dazed, and the candle is nearly gone.
My heart aches inside my chest, and I feel sick to my stomach from knowing I’m about to lose this moment. Part of me wishes I could go back and never experience love, because the loss of it is so terrifying. Then I realize that, no matter what happens, no matter how bad it hurts, I’ll never regret a single moment of being with Alex.
The room grows quiet as Alex plays with my hair, staring off into empty space while I stare at the stars just outside the window.
“Care to share your thoughts?” he asks when he notices I’m staring at the night sky
“I was thinking about death,” I say and he frowns. “And about life . . . and where the star will go after this is all over.” It’s strange looking at the stars because I don’t feel that pull like I used to. Instead, I feel a push, like the star is holding me down. “Do you think it’ll just go up to the sky again?”
He doesn’t speak for a while, and with each second that goes by, the candlewick shortens. “Did you know Gemma is an actual star, also known as Alphecca? It’s part of the constellation Corona Borealis.” He traces a finger across my lips
“Really? How did I not know this?”
“Because there are a ton of constellations and an endless amount of stars.”
“Then how did you know about it?”
He winks at me, but his face carries tension. “Haven’t you figured out I know everything?”
I can’t help thinking how very wrong he is. There’s something he doesn’t know about life, about the star, about us.
And he’ll never figure it out, because I’ll never tell him.
ALEX
We lie there stealing kisses and talking about simple things until Gemma falls asleep in my arms. Watching her sleep with her hand resting on her stomach, looking so peaceful, might be the most perfect moment of my life next to hearing her say she loves me.
All my life, I grew up in a hateful world, carrying so much anger. Love’s different. Love’s calming. Love’s . . . well, perfect.