“Please tell me you’re doing something that normal adults do at this time of day,” Jessica says by way of greeting.
In the background, I hear children’s laughter and shouts. It reminds me of Clay’s words about children. A shiver goes through me.
“Mila?” Jessica says. “Are you all right?”
“Kind of,” I say and then proceed to tell her about Clay’s visit.
She knows him well. Her husband and Clay are cousins. That’s how I met him. Double dating with my best friend and her husband. I know Jessica feels bad about that, but no one could have predicted that two people so smitten with one another could end up divorced in less than three years.
“You need to get a restraining order against him,” Jessica fumes over the phone.
“It’s the first time he’s come around,” I tell her.
“It won’t be the last. I can’t believe he thinks there’s a chance you would take him back after what he did.”
“I’m so tempted to go away,” I say. “Someplace where it’s hot throughout the year and where no one knows me.” The fantasy grows in my head. “I’d forget about painting for a while and just be someone else.”
“Have a hot affair,” Jessica quips.
“Yes, a hot Adonis with eyes for no one but me,” I add with a giggle.
“And fall in love,” Jessica says.
I snap back to the present. “Why do you have to spoil my fantasy?” I pout. “You know that’s out of the cards for me. I’m not averse to an affair, though.”
“You don’t have the temperament for it,” Jessica says. “You’re the romantic type of woman. Happy ever after and all that—the best kind of woman.”
“I used to be. Not anymore. I’m done with marriage and relationships and all that soppy stuff.”
“Now that is sad,” Jessica says.
It’s difficult for someone who has never been hurt to imagine the damage a man does when he leaves you for another woman. The dent to a person’s self-esteem. The pain that comes in waves, never completely leaving. The proof that you’re not good enough and will never be.That there will always be another woman who is sexier, better than you. That is the kind of pain I will never allow myself to go through again. I don’t expect Jessica, with a man who worships the ground she walks on, and three sweet boys that think the sun shines from their mother’s rear end, to understand.
“Don’t let that worthless piece of shit spoil love for you. There are good men out there, Mila. You only need to find him.”
My lungs constrict, making it hard to breathe. “Let’s talk about something else.”
“Like your upcoming trip,” Jessica says, her voice cheerful.
I love her for that. Her ability to know when to move on to less painful topics. She always knows when to push me and when to back off.
“I was thinking of LA. Forever sunny,” I say and lean back into my seat as the fantasy takes hold.
“You should go,” Jessica says. “Seriously. What’s stopping you? It’s a chance to get away from it all.”
We both know ‘it all’ is referring to my painter’s block, but mostly Clay. The more we talk about it, the more the idea grows. My heartbeat races and drums in my chest. By the time we are finished talking, I can’t wait to get off the phone and check out homes to rent in LA.
Chapter 2
Brad
“Hey, Brad, a couple of us are going out for a drink later, want to join us?” Ken, one of the guys asks me.
I shake my head regretfully. As much as I used to enjoy spending a few hours with the guys, those are things I’ve pushed to the back burner for now. Life as a single parent leaves you little time for socializing. I don’t miss it, though. My life now revolves around my boy, and I’m happy this way.
“Thanks, but no can do,” I reply cheerfully as I gather my gear.
“I can ask Debbie to keep Isaac a while longer; she won’t mind,” Collins says.
His wife picks up Isaac from kindergarten as she’s picking up their son and takes him home with her. I leave the fire station two hours later and go and pick him up from Debbie and Collins’ house.
“Thanks, I appreciate the offer, but I’m beat, to be honest,” I tell Collins and slap his shoulder.
I wave goodbye to the guys, pause briefly at the corner office to speak to the chief, and then I leave. I’m the only