it’s going to continue—yay! So get out your popcorn and your sense of superiority and add my true love to the list—but put her at the top, would you. Because she sure as shit hurts the worst.”
Murhder shut his mouth with a clap and linked his arms over his chest. He almost hoped the Brother came back with something. He was in the mood to fight—especially if it got really physical.
“That’s not why I came,” Tohr said slowly.
“What?”
“Not even close.”
Murhder whistled under his breath. Rolled his eyes. “Great. Sooooo … any chance I can take all of that back?”
“I, ah—” The Brother shook his head like he was changing mental tracks. “Let’s start with why I’m actually here. Why didn’t you say what really happened with Xhex? With that first fire at the first lab? Or that you were taken captive by her relatives?”
Oh, boy.
Tohr continued, “You let us think for two decades that you flaked off when we needed you. Instead, you were getting tortured up there in the colony. For months. And then when you got out, thanks to Rehvenge? You went looking for her. That’s what you were doing. And she set that first fire and killed that scientist. Not you.”
“I did the other shit, though,” Murhder said roughly. “At the second location. Wait, where are you getting this from?”
“Xhex talked to me.”
Murhder scrubbed his now short hair. And wondered if Sarah had found the braid he’d left her yet. Back when he’d assumed he’d be scrubbing her, he had planned to tell her brain that it was a prized possession of hers, something she never wanted to lose—even if she didn’t remember exactly how it had come to be hers.
A throwback to his time in the Victorian era when lovers gave locks of hair to each other.
“Why’d she do that,” he asked the Brother.
“Because she wanted the truth to come out. Because you were being blamed for something you didn’t do and catching flak for deserting the Brotherhood when you didn’t. Because we were wrong to blame you and didn’t know.”
Cursing under his breath, Murhder walked over to the railing and stared out over the lawn, to the stream.
“She told me what they did to you in the colony,” Tohr said. “The mental torture.”
“It’s all right.”
“No, the fuck it isn’t.”
“I’m okay now. That’s all that matters.”
“Murhder. My brother—”
He turned around. “Don’t call me that. I’m not your Brother anymore, remember.”
“Yes, you are.” Tohr came forward. “I’m so sorry. We’re all so sorry. I wish you’d told us what really happened—we could have worked with you or … whatever, I’m not blaming you for the choice of staying silent. You had your reasons, you were protecting Xhex, and we get that. But we wish we’d known the truth.”
Of all the conversations he had ever expected to have? This was not one of them.
Not even close.
“Apology accepted,” Murhder said roughly. “I appreciate you—well, thanks for coming down.”
Tohr shook his head. “This isn’t just an I’m-sorry. We want you to come back. We want you to fight with us again, be one of us—again.”
Murhder didn’t bother to hide his recoil. “What?”
“We want you back. In the Brotherhood.”
“Can you even do that?”
Tohr laughed in a short burst. “The Brotherhood decides on matters of membership. You know this.”
“Is Wrath aware you’re here?”
“He’s the one who sent me.”
“Really.” Murhder broke off from the Brother and turned back to the railing. “So the King’s given his blessing.”
There was a long silence. And then Tohr said, “We need the help. We’ve got a big cover issue tomorrow night. A meeting of probable insurgents.”
“So just like this, you think I’m cleared for fieldwork. Back in the saddle. Ready to roll. No more insane.”
“Xhex says she’s read your grid. She knows where you’re at.”
Murhder closed his eyes. “Now she’s a social worker. Wow.”
“We were wrong, Murhder. We were going on the facts as we knew them, but we were wrong and we are sorry. All of us. And then there was what you did for John.”
Murhder thought back to being out in those cold alleys with Tohr’s son. So alive. So fist pumping, heart pounding, balls-to-the-wall alive. He’d felt like he was following his purpose again. Serving the race. Playing a vital role in the species’ survival.
But there was another level to it all. The thing about the Brotherhood was … that group of males was united over more than just fighting. There was trust, loyalty, friendship between the Brothers, and those emotional ties were just